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Why does the steam leave after several years? 4/14/2012
This article is more or less like a question.. I would really
want to know why the steam and energy reduces almost drastically
in most marriages after several years? Why do one fall out
of love gradually in marriage? Is this the man's fault
or the woman? I would really want to know.
0 Comments, 15 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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Men's Rules 4/19/2011
Rule # 1 Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible
in an argument. All comments become null and void after
seven days.
Rule # 2 If you don't want to dress like Victoria's
Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera
guys.
Rule # 3 If we say something that can be interpreted in two
ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant
the other way. ...
0 Comments, 41 Views,
7 Votes
,3.04 Score
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A Good Sense of Humor Will Break the Ice! 8/3/2010
It is a difficult and daunting task to reveal your private
information to a complete stranger. Without risk there
is no reward. However, a good sense of humor not only shows
a positive side to you, it also eases any tension that exists.
I'm not talking about raunchy jokes or one-liners;
rather I am speaking to humorous anecdotes between unfamiliar
people, which can lead to commonality. Humor ...
0 Comments, 6 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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What Happens When You Fall In Love With... 12/7/2009
What Happens When You Fall In Love With
A chef ? (You get buttered up.) A chauffeur ? (You get taken for a ride.) A gambler ? (He cheats on you.) A garbage collector ? (He dumps you.) A clockmaker ? (He two-times you.) A pastry cook ? (He desserts you.) A shoe salesman ? (He walks all over you.) An elevator operator ? (He lets you down.) An artist ? (He gives you the brush.) A jogger ? ...
1 Comments, 30 Views,
8 Votes
,3.25 Score
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YALL WILL LIKE THIS ONE IT'S SHORT... 10/3/2009
you know that light travals faster than sound. This is why
some people seem bright until they speak.
here is another one. Some people are like slinkies... they're
really good for nothing. But they still bring a smile to
your face when you push them down a flight of stairs...
0 Comments, 7 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
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AM I UGLY? 10/2/2009
OK I WANT TO KNOW WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF ME. I'VE WRITTEN
SOME ARTICLES AND I HAVE MY PICTURE UP, SOOOO WATCHA THINK?
AM I UGLY 1 BEING YES AND 10 BEING HELL NO.LOL
0 Comments, 17 Views,
1 Votes
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What do Women Look For ? What do men look For? 3/14/2009
Women Look for: Fast car Lots of money Perfect Hair Nice teeth Jokes in perfect amount Serious in perfect amount Able to ride . (white ) Has own suit of amor Able to make romantic se only on request)
What men want: Pretty Face Long Hair Small waist Perfect breast no matter what size Able to follow orders Smart but not too smart Likes Sex all the time Likes sports and action movies ...
0 Comments, 48 Views,
8 Votes
,1.86 Score
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Enoughs enough 12/4/2008
When does tenacity turn into denial.
Its good to be tenacious its bad to be living in denial
When a girl says "not interested" is she really
not interested?Playing hard to get? or IS she hard to get?
When a guy says thanks but no thanks is he really not interested?
or is HE just not thankful?
I understand girls like confidence and appreciate some
stubbornness ...
0 Comments, 33 Views,
2 Votes
,0.34 Score
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TV vs Cellphone 10/5/2008
Wife is like TV, girlfriend is like Cellphone
At home watch TV, go out bring Cellphone.
Sometimes enjoy TV, but most of the time play with Cellphone.
TV free for life but Cellphone, if you don't pay the
services will be terminated
TV is big, bulky and most of the time old, but Cellphone is
cute, slim, curvy and very portable.
Operational cost for TV ...
2 Comments, 72 Views,
10 Votes
,5.58 Score
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Love 3/11/2008
LOVE, n .* man's grand delusion that one woman differs
from another;
* a sea of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses;
* what Plato described as "a grave mental disease";
* something they say is blind; it's marriage which
is the real eye opener;
* that emotion which is not true until returned;
* that delightful interval between ...
0 Comments, 18 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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3 rings 2/23/2008
There are 3 rings in a marriage:
1st there is the engagement ring
next there is the wedding ring
and last of all,
There is the sufferring ...  
PS. I hope you dont get the last ring PPS. I have nothing against marriage. If i find the right
person, my loyalty to that person is assured. 
0 Comments, 14 Views,
0 Votes
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What kind of car are you? 2/2/2008
Three women were talking about their love lives.
The first said, "My husband is like a Rolls-Royce;
smooth and sophisticated."
The second said, "Mine is like a porsche; fast and
powerful."
The third said, "Mine is like an old Chevy. It needs
a hand start and I have to jump on while it's still going."
0 Comments, 19 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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The Fiancee... 1/24/2008
A young woman brings home her fiancée to meet her parents.
After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about
the young man. The father invites the fiancée to his study
for a drink.
"So what are your plans?" the father asks the
young man.
"I am a Torah scholar." he replies.
"A Torah scholar. Hmmm, " the father says.
"Admirable, but what will you do to ...
0 Comments, 33 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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at the Wedding 12/31/2007
At a friend's wedding, everything went smoothly
until it was time for the flower girl and her young escort
to come down the aisle.
The boy stopped at every pew, growling at the guests. When
asked afterward why he behaved so badly, he explained,
"I was just trying to be a good ring bear."...
0 Comments, 37 Views,
0 Votes
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Problems from the start 12/31/2007
John got off the elevator on the 50th floor and nervously
knocked on his blind date's door. She opened it and
was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said.
"I'll be ready in a few minutes, " she said.
"Why don't you play with Spot, my dog, while you're
waiting?" He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over,
shakes hands, sits up and if you make a hoop with your arms,
he'll jump ...
0 Comments, 30 Views,
1 Votes
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Common wedding questions and answers 12/31/2007
Q: Is it all right to bring a date to the wedding?
A: Not if you are the groom.
Q: How many showers is the bride supposed to have? A: At least one within a week of the wedding.
Q: What music is recommended for the wedding ceremony?
A: Anything except "Tied to the Whipping Post"....
0 Comments, 23 Views,
1 Votes
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Reception: 12/31/2007
Remember to reserve the UAW hall far in advance,
and avoid Saturdays, since that's bingo night. It
is perfectly acceptable to ask guests to wipe their feet
before entering the hall. After all the cleaning deposit
can be the difference between an oil change and a full tune-up
for the car....
0 Comments, 9 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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The ceremony: 12/31/2007
No matter how urgent the event, loaded weapons have no place
at the alter. At the point in the ceremony that says, "If
anybody has any reason why these two should no be joined
in holy matrimony..." tell the preacher not to pause
too long, old flames sometimes die hard and talk too much
0 Comments, 7 Views,
0 Votes
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men fear marriage 12/31/2007
An organization that makes men fear marriage The British had an organization that Americans are now
considering adopting.
It seems that in England, they had a men's club, Bachelors'
Anonymous. It was highly successful in making men fear
or even hate marriage.
The club provided a unique way to treat the problem of bachelors
wanting to marry. They send over a mother-in-law ...
1 Comments, 16 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Don't take any chances 12/31/2007
A person receives a telegram informing him about
his mother-in-law's death. It also enquires whether
she should be buried or burnt.
He replies, "Don't take chances. Burn the body
and bury the ashes."...
0 Comments, 14 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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The tradition at weddings 12/31/2007
A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says,
"Mommy, why does the girl wear white?"
His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's
happy and this is the happiest day of her life."
The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then,
why is the boy wearing black?"...
0 Comments, 22 Views,
0 Votes
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Getting revenge with marriage 12/31/2007
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing
around his bed. With a low voice he sad to his wife: "When
I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones."
Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you."
Johnson: "But I want you to."
Wife: "But why?"
Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a deal!"...
0 Comments, 20 Views,
0 Votes
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Going crazy with confusion 12/31/2007
A psychiatrist visited a California mental institution
and asked a patient, "How did you get here? What was
the nature of your illness?" He got the following
reply.
"Well, it all started when I got married and I guess
I should never have done it. I married a widow with a grown
who then became my stepdaughter.
My dad came to visit us, fell in love with my lovely stepdaughter, ...
1 Comments, 47 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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A very desperate marriage 12/31/2007
A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose
to her. Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever
been married. Of course, they dated about once a week for
the past six years, but he was so timid he just never got around
to suggesting marriage much less living together.
But one day, he became determined to ask her the question.
So he calls her on the phone, ...
2 Comments, 59 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Married life 12/31/2007
Married life is full of excitement and frustration: * In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman
listens. * In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
* In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely
an eye-opener.
Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant
with ...
0 Comments, 41 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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Marriage is not a word. 12/31/2007
Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence--a life sentence.
Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music
is over, the strings are attached.
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is
an institution for the blind.
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's
Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
Marriage is a thing ...
0 Comments, 31 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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hmm 11/26/2007
ye its a joke
1 Comments, 30 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
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The Chinese restaurant owner 10/25/2007
A single Chinese man owns a Chinese restaurant,
and one day a beautiful Chinese woman walks in. He immediately
walks over and asks her out on a date. She agrees. They go
out for a while, and soon, the man proposes to her. She says
"Yes, but before we do, there's something you
must know. I have never had the sex, but I've read about
it." He says that it's not a problem, and they
are ...
1 Comments, 92 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
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Who is the boss... 10/22/2007
I think I am, she thinks she is. I say yes, she says no. I say red, she says blue.
So who is the boss?
I imagine we both let the other think they are the boss.
Example:
When I want to get "cozy", everything she says
is exactly right 
When she wants to shop, I get a nice home cooked breakfast.
So, really is there a boss ...
0 Comments, 15 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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millionaire 10/17/2007
A woman was telling her friend, "It is me who made
my husband a millionaire, "
"And what was he before you married him?asked her
friend
The woman replied, " A multi-millionaire."
0 Comments, 45 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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Honeymoon 10/14/2007
the newly married couple returned fromtheir honeymoon.as
they got off the plane at the crowded airport, the bride
said, Darling, let's make the people think we've
been married a long time"
OK dear, said the husband, "then you carry the bags.
1 Comments, 63 Views,
5 Votes
,5.43 Score
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Husband and wife 10/14/2007
Married life changes over time.In the first year of marriage, the
man speaks and the wife listens.In the second year, the
woman speaks and the man listens.In the third year, they
both speak and the neighbor listen.Whoah!
0 Comments, 28 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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Marriage 10/14/2007
Marriage is very much like a violin, after the sweet music
is over, the strings are still attached.hehehe
0 Comments, 21 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Marriage 10/14/2007
When a man holds a woman"s hand before marriage, it
is love:after marriage, it is self defence.hahahaha
1 Comments, 39 Views,
4 Votes
,5.19 Score
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Stepmothers 9/19/2007
Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing
could dampen her excitement -- not even her parent's
nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to
wear and would be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride
ever!
A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's
new young wife had bought the exact same dress! Jennifer
asked her to exchange it, but she refused. ...
1 Comments, 69 Views,
8 Votes
,3.01 Score
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A guy was trying to console a friend 9/17/2007
A guy was trying to console a friend who'd just
found his wife in bed with another man. "Get over it, buddy, " he said. "It's
not the end of the world."
"It's all right for you to say, " answered
his buddy. "But what if you came home one night and
caught another man in bed with your wife?"
The fella ponders for a moment, then says, "I'd
break his cane and kick his ...
1 Comments, 66 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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Warning Labels 9/17/2007
If government is going to put health warning labels on beer,
wine and liquor, let's at least have a little truthfulness
about the matter!
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol
may cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard
off a shit truck at 100 yards. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol
is a major factor in dancing like an idiot. W...
1 Comments, 49 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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What is the difference? 9/17/2007
What is the difference between a pregnant woman
and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb!...
1 Comments, 29 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Confession 9/10/2007
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband
is at work. Her 9-year old comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and
hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch. The woman's husband also comes
home.
She puts her lover in the cupboard, not realising that the
little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here." The man says, "Yes, it is." Boy - "I have a ...
5 Comments, 92 Views,
7 Votes
,5.59 Score
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AT THE SUPERMARKET 8/28/2007
A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up
a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around.
Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on.
Finally he went to the check-out line, but she got in front
of him. "Pardon me, " she said, "I'm
sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable.
It's just that you look just like my , who I haven't ...
5 Comments, 158 Views,
18 Votes
,4.08 Score
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The Burned Ears 8/21/2007
A guy burned two ears... so they were asking him at the hospital
how it happened.
He said, ''I was ironing my clothing and the phone
rang... So, instead of the phone I picked up the iron and
burned my ear...''
''But how the heck did you burn the other ear?''
The doctor asked.
''They called back.''
8 Comments, 84 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
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Perfumed Blonde 8/21/2007
Why does a blonde put perfume on her ankles? Because
it ends up behind her ears anyway!...
5 Comments, 61 Views,
5 Votes
,4.77 Score
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Stupid Men Quiz... 8/5/2007
How does a man make sex more interesting?
Puts a bag over his head
Moves to the next Room
Leaves town
Coming home to a warm welcome
means:
You swapped your man for a dog
Mom's come about for a visit
You are in the wrong house
[COLOR ...
0 Comments, 19 Views,
0 Votes
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She's So Blonde 7/14/2007
She's so blonde she spent an hour looking at a can of
orange juice because it said "concentrate".
5 Comments, 96 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score
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Flower Bribes 7/14/2007
One Friday, two women were sitting and talking. One woman
looked up and saw her husband coming down the street with
a bunch of flowers in his hand. She rolled her eyes and said, “There comes the a**hole with
flowers in his hand. Now he'll expect me to spend the
weekend on my back with my legs in the air.”
Her friend promptly replied, “Don't you have a vase?”
2 Comments, 65 Views,
5 Votes
,4.77 Score
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How did we Meet :-) 4/3/2007
The first person I met online was so interesting to my frieds.
They asked questions of what web site I used and what did
I say that peeked her intrest. I was asked by one aquantice.. No really what Line did you
use on her... LOL
I answered....
Broandband of course.
(wink) ok it's kinda nerdy...
0 Comments, 41 Views,
4 Votes
,0.92 Score
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BETWEENS 3/27/2007
Women's body are so sensitive and they easily get tickled
everywhere.
They said that between finger toes of a woman is the most
sensitive and their weakness.
Q: Where in between finger toes is the women's most
ticklish and weakest and sensitive area?
Find out yourself
15 Comments, 197 Views,
11 Votes
,3.92 Score
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Travel 3/9/2007
Robert Johnson had been retired for a year when
his wife of fifty years suggested one day, "Why don't
we take a cruise for a week and make wild passionate love
like we did when we were young?"
He thought it over and agreed. Bob put on his hat and coat
and went down to the corner drug store. He stepped up to the
counter and asked for a bottle of seasick pills and a box
of condoms. ...
12 Comments, 236 Views,
13 Votes
,4.32 Score
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Speaking Part 3/9/2007
One afternoon, Christopher's
father picked him up early from school to take Chris to a
dental appointment.
Knowing that the parts for the school play were supposed
to be posted today, the father asked his if he had gotten
a part.
Christopher enthusiastically announced that indeed
he had gotten a part. Chris prouldly exclaimed, "I
play a man who's been married ...
1 Comments, 45 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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Switched!!! 3/9/2007
A guy wanted to buy a gift for his new girlfriend's
birthday. As they had only started dating, after careful
consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike
the right note: personal, but not too personal.
Accompanied by the girlfriend's younger sister,
he went to Dillards and bought a pair of white gloves. The
sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During
the ...
4 Comments, 72 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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Ouch!!!! 3/9/2007
A fellow decides to take off
early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar loses
at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters
his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes
off his shoes and starts tiptoeing up the stairs.
Halfway up the stairs, he falls over backwards and lands
flat on his rear end. That wouldn't have been so bad, ...
3 Comments, 178 Views,
15 Votes
,4.82 Score
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All dolled up 3/9/2007
A couple was going out for the evening. They had
gotten ready, all dolled up, cat put out, etc. The taxi arrived,
and as the couple walked out the door, the cat shot back in.
They didn't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife
went out to the taxi while the husband went upstairs to chase
the cat out.
The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty
explained to the ...
0 Comments, 22 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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Three sisters 3/9/2007
Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save
their parents the expense of separate weddings. As a further
step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved
to spend their honeymoon night at home.
Later that night, their mother couldn't sleep, so
she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea. On her way, she tiptoed
by her oldest 's bedroom and heard her screaming.
The ...
6 Comments, 140 Views,
8 Votes
,4.87 Score
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The Grill 3/9/2007
A husband and his wife who have been married twenty
years were doing some yard work. The man was working hard
cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over,
weeding flowers from the flower bed.
So the man says to his wife, "Your rear end is almost
as wide as this grill." She says nothing and ignores
the remark.
A little later, the husband takes his measuring tape and ...
3 Comments, 77 Views,
5 Votes
,5.43 Score
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the crow and the fox 2/26/2007
Master Crow perched on a tree, Holding a cheese inside of his beak. Master Fox, attracted by the smell Said something like this : "Hello there, good day Mister Crow ! How lovely you are ! how handsome you appear to me ! Honestly, if your song voice Is like your feathers, You are the phoenix of all the inhabitants in these woods."
And by these words, the Crow is overjoyed. And in order to show his ...
0 Comments, 23 Views,
7 Votes
,1.26 Score
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If is sounds too good to be true... 2/14/2007
You may of heard of the expression warning,
"if it sounds too good to be true,
it probably is." I am here to say that this
is true with relationships! If you think
I am being paranoid, best of luck with your
relationship with that astronaut.
At least you were warned!
0 Comments, 27 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
|
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Jumbo sausage please 2/6/2007
A Japanese man married to an American woman who can never
speak Japanese language. Let' name her Cynthia!
Cynthia wants to impress her husband by cooking his favorite
food. But when she checked the fridge there is no pork. So
she went to a butcher, since she can't speak Japanese
she showed her thigh. The butcher understood what she needs.
That night her husband had a ...
3 Comments, 168 Views,
17 Votes
,1.43 Score
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searching for the perfect man 12/26/2006
Situation:2 Freundine im Cafe, die eine Freundin will
der Single-Freundin ein Mann vorstellen.Freundin A=Single
und Freundin B=Verkuplerin
Freundin A mit Anfang 20
B:Süße ich habe da ein netten Mann für dich?
A st er HÜBSCH?
Freundin A mit Anfang 30
B:Süsse ich habe da ein netten Mann den ich dir vorstellen
könnte!
A: Hat er GELD??
Freundin A mit ...
0 Comments, 12 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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RELATIONSHIP HUMOR and/or JOKES you may ask 12/13/2006
I would just like to make a comment
to anyone concerned, I have noticed just a few people
now and then have taken some of my jokes in a serious fashion.
I never make jokes at other peoples expense and I only
use fictitious characters in this Relationship Humor
section of the AFF Magazine.
I know that sometimes due to cultural differences some ...
2 Comments, 82 Views,
9 Votes
,3.00 Score
|
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Oh, Those In-laws 12/8/2006
There was a married couple who were
in a terrible accident. The woman's face was burned
severely. The doctor told the husband they couldn't
graft any skin from her body because she was so thin. The
husband then donated some of his skin.
However, the only place suitable to the doctor was from
his buttocks. The husband requested that no one be told
of this, ...
6 Comments, 151 Views,
15 Votes
,5.89 Score
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Naughty Mrs. Clause 12/8/2006
Cheesy Joke:
Q: What did Santa say when he caught Mrs. Claus in bed with
a couple of elves?
A: Ho Ho Ho
Please contact the joke police to report intolerable
"cheesiness."
1 Comments, 51 Views,
6 Votes
,4.50 Score
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CORPORATE MEMO 12/7/2006
To: All Staff
Date: December 1
Subject: New "Twelve Days of Christmas" Policy
The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen
have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package
has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they
will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions
at the North Pole.
Streamlining is ...
2 Comments, 50 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
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Love VS. Marriage 11/28/2006
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener....
5 Comments, 122 Views,
15 Votes
,4.05 Score
|
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Confession 11/28/2006
Confession is good for the soul,
but bad for your career....
4 Comments, 85 Views,
10 Votes
,2.79 Score
|
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20 Years In Jail 11/28/2006
A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband
was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs.
He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in
front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought, just staring
at the wall.
She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter dear? Why are you down ...
12 Comments, 476 Views,
22 Votes
,6.73 Score
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The Race 11/28/2006
Horses Racing Today....
1. Passionate Lady
2. Bare Belly
3. Silk Panties
4. Conscience
5. Jockey Shorts
6. Clean Sheets
7. Smooth Thighs
8. Big Johnson
9. Heavy Bosom
10. Merry Cherry
Place Your Bets.
And they're off!
Conscience is left behind at the post.
Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off ...
0 Comments, 60 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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Aliens.!!! 11/22/2006
What's E.T. short for.?????
Cos he's only got little legs.!
0 Comments, 46 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
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Indian Visits House 11/16/2006
An Indian walks into a house and throws a bag of money
on the counter and says, "me want pussy."
The woman working the counter decides that she wants to
have a little fun with him, and tells him that he must first
fu[kcq]k the big oak tree on the hill.
The Indian replies, "me no want tree, me want pussy."
"Sorry, " the lady replies, "those are
the rules." The Indian goes up ...
0 Comments, 159 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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what is a sellfish people 11/12/2006
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-..people who doest not think about me!
1 Comments, 34 Views,
4 Votes
,0.14 Score
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Sunburned! 11/9/2006
A guy falls asleep on the beach for several hours and gets
horrible sunburn. He goes to the hospital and is promptly
admitted after being diagnosed with second degree burns.
He was already starting to blister and in agony. The doctor
prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline
and electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four
hours.
The nurse, rather astounded, ...
3 Comments, 102 Views,
11 Votes
,3.73 Score
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computers 11/7/2006
Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive
virus by
simply typing "UPLOAD VIRUS." Viruses cause
temperatures in
computers, just like they do in humans. After a while, smoke
billows out of disk drives and monitors.
0 Comments, 19 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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The big game hunter. 11/5/2006
The big game hunter walked in the bar and bragged to everyone
about his hunting skills.
The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute
that.
But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would
recognize any animal's skin from its feel, and if he
could locate the bullet hole he would even tell them what
caliber the bullet was that killed the animal. ...
2 Comments, 66 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
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The old lady and the bank president. 11/5/2006
An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning
with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account
and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because,
she said, she had a lot of money.
After many lengthy discussions (after all, the
is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the
president's office.
The president of the ...
2 Comments, 72 Views,
10 Votes
,3.19 Score
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The old lady and the bank president. 11/5/2006
An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning
with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account
and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because,
she said, she had a lot of money.
After many lengthy discussions (after all, the
is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the
president's office.
The president of the ...
0 Comments, 38 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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The Diet 11/5/2006
An extremely obese woman shows up at her doctor's office
crying and claims that she has tried every possible way
to lose weight, all to no avail. She continues to sob,
"My husband won't make love to me any more. My
friends make fun of me. Everywhere I go they tease me. I just
can't take it any more!"
The doctor, hoping to help her, proposes a radical diet, ...
0 Comments, 51 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Abbott and Costello Discover Computers 11/5/2006
You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello,
and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate
this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our
computers, please read on... If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello
were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's
on First?" might have turned out something like this:
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
...
0 Comments, 22 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Let me apologize, 10/28/2006
Let me apologize,
I am a hot headed egocentric fool much of the time acting
far to quickly in anger with far too little information..
I want to apologize to SP33DY2 for my insulting remarks
about his postings in this magazine. He is a very intelligent
man with a kind and forgiving heart, fortunately for me.
He could write some very powerful articles in French but
not in English. ...
0 Comments, 26 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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This is crazy to me… And I am angry about it 10/28/2006
This is crazy to me… And I am angry about it
There is a man on this site who posted 10 articles saying
nothing but “Hello I’m Here”. He has a new article out now
that says, “Maybe” and that is it. Now he holds the rank of
3 most contributing writer in this online magazine. I am
outraged by this because there are many serious writers
here ...
1 Comments, 26 Views,
4 Votes
,0.92 Score
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en français 10/27/2006
Un condamné à mort s'évade d'un pénitencier où
il était reclus depuis 15 ans. Dans sa fuite, il arrive près
d'une maison. Il y pénètre à la recherche d'argent
et d'armes. Il trouve un couple au lit. Il vire le
gars du lit et l'attache sur une chaise. Puis, pendant
qu'il attache la fille aux montants du lit, il en profite
pour l' embrasser dans le cou. Il se rend ensuite dans
la ...
0 Comments, 5 Views,
0 Votes
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hello 10/27/2006
i'm here
1 Comments, 25 Views,
2 Votes
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Blonde jokes ...... OMG too funny!!! 10/25/2006
BLONDE LOGIC
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking........
and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think
is farther away..........Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says, "Hellooooo, can
you see Florida...?????"
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the
mechanic it died. After he works ...
2 Comments, 69 Views,
9 Votes
,3.85 Score
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I won't sleep with you tonight! 10/20/2006
A guy goes to a bar. At the other end he sees a pretty woman.
He is so shy that he need an hour gathering up his courage
to go over her and asks, "Would you mind if I chatted
with you?" She suddenly yells to the top of her voice,
"No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" All
people there are staring at them. The guy is completely
embarrassed. A couple of minutes after he sit back to his
table, ...
4 Comments, 284 Views,
25 Votes
,4.68 Score
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Relationship 10/19/2006
A RELATIONSHIP that grows from
mutual Love and Respect, Kindness, Understanding and
Compassion is strong enough to last a lifetime.
-Knightmate
The Perfect Relationship
is more then finding the right person.
It's BEING the right person.
-Knightmate
0 Comments, 21 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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The gift 10/15/2006
A man asks his wife what she would like for her birthady.
Whould you like a diamond ?
No I don't need any more diamons.
Would you like a yacht ?
No I get sea sick.
How about I buy you a jet ?
No I get air sick.
What do you want ?
I want a divorce -
Hell replied the man. I wasn't plannning on spending
that much.
0 Comments, 55 Views,
7 Votes
,3.04 Score
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Faith Healing 10/12/2006
An old couple, were sitting in their living room on a Sunday
morning watching a religious program. The preacher on
this show would go to all the people in the audience and asking
them what they wanted fixed, then he would have them cover
the part of their body they wanted fixed. Many of the people
were elderly so they were covering their eyes and hearts.
Then the preacher said "Ok now for ...
0 Comments, 17 Views,
4 Votes
,5.19 Score
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Air Love 10/7/2006
What can we do during a twenty-six hours flight ?
0 Comments, 36 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
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Dogs letters to God 9/30/2006
Dear God,
Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell
one another?
Dear God,
When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the
same old story?
Dear God,
Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the
mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not
ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around?
We ...
0 Comments, 33 Views,
4 Votes
,1.30 Score
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When flirting becomes too personal ! 9/24/2006
What is the difference between flirting
and hitting on someone.
Flirting is like dancing around the subject.
Hitting is like stepping on its toes. In other words, you're
hitting on a woman until she flirts back. Flirting has to
go two ways. A woman has to realize what you're doing
and give you the raised eyebrow and welcoming ...
0 Comments, 31 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
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here is a nasty bar drink 9/24/2006
this is a true story but funny. me and a friend were in a bar
a couple of weeks ago and he wanted a shot of tequila. so the
bartender says to my friend take it like a man, and we say
what. then he says instead of licking the salt snort it,
instead of sqeezing the lemon into the drink sqeeze it into
your eye, then drink the shot. i say no way but my friend goes
sure why not. he does it ...
1 Comments, 76 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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The Angry Preacher 9/21/2006
The preacher rose with a red face. "Someone in this
congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the K.K.K.
This is a horrible lie! A God fearing decent Christian community
cannot tolerate such slander. I am embarrassed and will
not accept this. Now I want the individual who did this to
stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family!'
No one moved. The preacher continued, ...
0 Comments, 32 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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What use a camel to hide itself? 9/13/2006
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-
-
--a camel flage..
1 Comments, 36 Views,
8 Votes
,3.25 Score
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What has been your most embarssing date? 9/12/2006
It think almost everyone has a story or two to tell about
something embarassing that has happened on a date. Here
is one of my all time embarassing moment during a date:
The guy I was dating took me out to a nice Thai restaurant.
We ordered the usually Pad Thai and curry. He ordered a soup
called Tom Yum Kai (which one of my friends calls "Some
Young Guy"). The soup looked ...
0 Comments, 81 Views,
11 Votes
,3.92 Score
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Where Is The Power..? 9/9/2006
I met a female of my age grade in this site. She loved
to write me everyday... she makes my mood to change in writing.
Later I noticed that she has two profiles here, few days
later she automatically stopped writing me. I used to view
her profile everyday to know when last she visited the site
as she could not reply all the mails i sent everyday. I noticed
that she always visit this ...
2 Comments, 58 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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How to understand some men!! Not me of course:) 8/30/2006
1) "Can I help with dinner?"
Really means....
"Why isn't it already on the table?" 2) "Have you lost weight?"
Really means....
"I've just spent £400 on a bar football table"
3) "It would take too long to explain."
Really means....
"I have no idea how it works." 4) "That's interesting, dear."
Really means....
"Are you still talking?" ...
0 Comments, 41 Views,
9 Votes
,3.21 Score
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E-Mail from the Afterlife 8/22/2006
An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago
for a vacation in Florida,
his wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him
there the next day.
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick
email,
unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written
her email address,
he did his best to type it from memory.
...
0 Comments, 37 Views,
8 Votes
,5.33 Score
|
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A Fathers Terror 8/22/2006
Dear Dad:
It has now been three months since I left for college. I have
been
remiss in writing and am very sorry for my thoughtlessness
in not
having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but
before
you read on, please sit down. You are not to read any further
unless
you are sitting down... Okay?
...
0 Comments, 51 Views,
9 Votes
,3.85 Score
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Marriage fact's 8/22/2006
Married life is full of excitement and frustration:
* In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman
listens.
* In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
* In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely
an
...
0 Comments, 30 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
|
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Missing Beer! 8/19/2006
A man walked into a bar and ordered a beer. He took a sip and
walked over to the jukebox to spin a record. When he returned
to his table he discovered that his beer was gone. He stopped
a waitress and asked, “Do you know who took my beer”? The
waitress told him that it was the monkey who stole his beer.
He then walked over to the Cashier and asked, “Do you know
to ...
1 Comments, 79 Views,
9 Votes
,2.78 Score
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What's in a name? 8/18/2006
A Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look
on his face.
'Say Mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm'?
'Because he was conceived during a mighty storm',
she said.
Then he asked 'Why is my sister named Cornflower'?
'Well your father and I were in a cornfield when we made
her', she replied.
He then asked 'And why is my other sister called Moonchild'?
'We were ...
0 Comments, 36 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
|
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What's in a name? 8/18/2006
A Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look
on his face.
'Say Mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm'?
'Because he was conceived during a mighty storm',
she said.
Then he asked 'Why is my sister named Cornflower'?
'Well your father and I were in a cornfield when we made
her', she replied.
He then asked 'And why is my other sister called Moonchild'?
'We were ...
0 Comments, 13 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
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Chinese Proverbs 8/16/2006
Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run in front of car get tired.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright
organ.
...
0 Comments, 45 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
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Women and Titties 8/16/2006
Women with big tits ...
..can get a taxi on the worst days
..have men give them the best seats on a bus.
..have a neat place to carry spare change
..have always been the center of the arts (art)
..make jogging a spectator sport
..can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub
..have more negotiating power (with men ...
0 Comments, 54 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
|
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A quickie from my grandmother 8/7/2006
A man asks his wife if she feels like going out that evening.
She replies, "Yes, but I'd like to go somewhere
really expensive."
The man, always trying to impress his wife, tries to think
of the most expensive place around. So he takes her to the
nearest gas station.
3 Comments, 112 Views,
14 Votes
,5.06 Score
|
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Good Bars 8/4/2006
A Scotsman, American, and an Irishman are in a bar. They
are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice
place.
Then the Scotsman says, 'Aye, this is a nice bar, but
where I come from, back in Glasgow, there's a better
one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another
drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!'
The others agree that sounds like a good ...
0 Comments, 66 Views,
9 Votes
,4.71 Score
|
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The Tiger 8/4/2006
A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready
to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to
the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm
not a virgin."
The husband replies, "That's no big thing in
this day and age."
The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one
guy."
"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"
"Tiger Woods."
...
0 Comments, 148 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
|
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Church Bells 8/4/2006
On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed
away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house
to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother
replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making
love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly
100 years ...
0 Comments, 98 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
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The Taxi Driver 8/4/2006
A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St.
Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.
'Come with me', said St. Peter to the taxi driver.
The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter
to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling
alley to an Olympic size pool.
'Wow, thank you', said the taxi driver.
...
0 Comments, 103 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
|
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101 Ways To Annoy People 8/4/2006
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for
."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends
in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip
Beeep Bip..."
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your
pen while talking ...
2 Comments, 112 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
|
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Why Computers Sometimes Crash! by Dr. Seuss 8/3/2006
( Read like a rhyme - loves it )
(You gotta read this one out loud)
I f a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus
is interrupted
At a very last resort, and the access of the memory makes
your floppy disk
Abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the ...
0 Comments, 30 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score
|
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Double Takes 8/2/2006
A man sits down at a bar and orders a double shot of whiskey.
He downs the shot and takes something out of his pocket to
look at briefly. After a minute, he calls the bartender
over and requests another double.
The bartender brings him the drink and he downs it. Again,
he takes something out of his pocket to peek at and puts it
away. He beckons the bartender and orders ...
0 Comments, 74 Views,
8 Votes
,4.17 Score
|
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The Confessional 8/2/2006
An 80-year-old man went into the confessional and told
the priest the following: "Father, I am an 80-year-old
man, I'm married, I have four and eleven grandchildren.
Last night I strayed and had an affair with two 19-year-old
girls. We partied and made love all night long."
The priest said, "My , when was the last time you
were at confession?"
The old man said, "I have ...
0 Comments, 42 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
|
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Arriving home very drunk 8/1/2006
A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of
minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to
another man in the bar: "Why don't you be a good
Samaritan and take him home."
The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles
at least ten times. They drive along and the drunk points
out his house to the man. He stops the car and the drunk ...
0 Comments, 97 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
|
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Deathbed Confession 7/15/2006
The was a man who had four , all gorgeous, except for
the youngest one, Craig, who was nothing short of gruesome.
While on his deathbed, the husband asked his wife, "Marie,
tell me one thing. And please be honest. Am I Craig's
father?"
"Yes, honey, " replied his wife. "I promise
you, Craig is 100 percent yours."
"I can die a happy man. Godbye my love."
And the man ...
0 Comments, 60 Views,
6 Votes
,1.94 Score
|
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Who's the Boss? 7/15/2006
A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon
suite.
As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly
man, tossed his trousers to his new bride. He said, "Here,
put these on."
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.
"I can't wear your trousers." she said.
"That's right, '' said the husband,
"and don't you ever ...
3 Comments, 111 Views,
12 Votes
,5.80 Score
|
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sex therapy 7/15/2006
Sex Therapy -
A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's
office.
The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?" The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that
such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that
he agrees.
When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's
absolutely ...
1 Comments, 79 Views,
12 Votes
,3.33 Score
|
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put off by humour? 7/14/2006
humour is considered the universal language of the soul,
just as some consider music to be ..
but what about when humour puts you off ? such as an ill timed
joke about part of your body?
0 Comments, 18 Views,
2 Votes
,0.34 Score
|
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Open Your Inside 7/2/2006
Heart is a very sensitive part of human's internal
organ wheter it's inside or outside.literally heart
is a pumping organ that allow your bloody liquid to circulate
in your inside and fill your brillant life.A warm heart
is a 100 percent full of love from your inside 37 degree centigrade
and a sweet heart is a quality of heart that is full of sugar
of love and love is a tremendous power ...
1 Comments, 38 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
|
|
Open Your Inside 7/2/2006
Heart is a very sensitive part of human's internal
organ wheter it's inside or outside.literally heart
is a pumping organ that allow your bloody liquid to circulate
in your inside and fill your brillant life.A warm heart
is a 100 percent full of love from your inside 37 degree centigrade
and a sweet heart is a quality of heart that is full of sugar
of love and love is a tremendous power ...
0 Comments, 11 Views,
3 Votes
,0.98 Score
|
|
Coffee Break 6/29/2006
A man dies and goes straight to Hell. The Devil leads him
pasts lakes of fire, lava and the screams of millions of
condemned souls.
Finally after a long trek they arrive at an ocean of Shit
full of people waste high in it sipping coffee and chatting.
The Devil says to the man "You have two choices....the
lakes of fire or here to spend eternity". The man thinks
this is a ...
0 Comments, 85 Views,
9 Votes
,3.21 Score
|
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Free Sex 6/29/2006
A man observed a local Gas/petrol/Service Station had
a sign advertising FREE SEX !! STOP IN AND REGISTER TO WIN
!! Daily Winners !! The man finally decided to stop for fuel
one day and he registered for the daily drawing. He began
to regularly patronize this service station and each time
registered.
After about 6 months of never winning, the man saw the owner
one day and said ...
0 Comments, 122 Views,
14 Votes
,3.14 Score
|
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Don't Step on the Ducks 6/28/2006
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have
one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all
over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck,
and although they try their best to avoid them, the first
woman accidentally steps on one.
...
0 Comments, 84 Views,
16 Votes
,6.36 Score
|
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Donkey & Onion 6/26/2006
What do you get when you cross a Donkey and an Onion?
Answer: A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes!!
0 Comments, 71 Views,
8 Votes
,5.33 Score
|
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25 reasons why CHOCOLATE IZ BETTER THAN A MAN ;) 5/28/2006
No idea if this was posted or not. Watever, smiliezzzzzzzzzzz
Chocolate is rich,
dark & satisfyin
You're never disappointed when you
open the wrapper
Chocolate doesn't care how many pieces
you've had before
Chocolate always hits the ...
5 Comments, 152 Views,
22 Votes
,6.13 Score
|
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Le computer? La computer? 5/18/2006
Computers
A french teacher was explaining to her class that in French,
unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine
or feminine... 'House' is feminine - 'la
maison'. 'pencil' is masculine - 'le
crayon'. A student asked, 'what gender is 'computer''?
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class
into two groups - male and female. and asked ...
5 Comments, 155 Views,
19 Votes
,7.21 Score
|
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two English words 5/18/2006
A young boy went up to his father and asked
"What's the difference between potentially
and realistically?"
The father ponders for a moment, then answered "Go
ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for
a million quid and also ask your sister if she would sleep
with Brad Pitt for a million quid, then come back and tell
me what you learned.
"So ...
2 Comments, 116 Views,
14 Votes
,4.42 Score
|
|
What Communication Problems? 5/9/2006
A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends
when the subject of marriage counseling came up. "Oh,
we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great
relationship, " the wife explained. "He was
a communications major in college and I majored in theater
arts. He communicates real well and I just act like I'm
listening."
0 Comments, 116 Views,
20 Votes
,3.76 Score
|
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The Wousy Bwind Date 5/9/2006
Jesse took his blind date to the carnival. "What would
you like to do first, Amber?" asked Jesse. "I
want to get weighed, " replied Amber.
They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds.
She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride
was over, Jesse again asked Amber what she would like to
do. ...
1 Comments, 101 Views,
15 Votes
,5.12 Score
|
|
A new couple 5/9/2006
The couple has been married only two weeks. The husband,
although very much in love, can't wait to go out on the
town and party with his old buddies.
"Honey, " says he to his new bride, "I'll
be right back..."
"Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asks the
wife.
"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face. I'm going
to have a beer."
"You want a beer, My Love?"
...
0 Comments, 107 Views,
15 Votes
,6.35 Score
|
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IT'S GOOD TO BE A WOMAN!!! 5/8/2006
IT'S GOOD TO BE A WOMAN!!!
We got off the Titanic first.
We can scare male bosses with mysterious
gynecological disorder excuses.
Taxis stop for us.
We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.
We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
If we ...
1 Comments, 105 Views,
11 Votes
,4.10 Score
|
|
Angel Face & Devil Figure 5/5/2006
Edna : Tom, you love my angel face or my devil figure?
Tom: ......I love your humor...
0 Comments, 228 Views,
7 Votes
,3.55 Score
|
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Riddles..! 4/30/2006
Who settled in the West before anyone else?
"The Sun"
*********************************************
What goes from Malaysia to Singapore?
"The Road."
********************************************
Three men stand under an umbrella but nobody gets wet. How
can this be?
"It is not raining."
*********************************************
What starts with "T" ends ...
1 Comments, 65 Views,
5 Votes
,1.84 Score
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Some Great Cynical Answers to That Stupid Question: "Why aren't you married yet?" 4/28/2006
You haven't asked yet.
-Because I just love hearing this question, quick, ask
me again!
-Just lucky, I guess.
-Trade in my miniskirt for a minivan??? No way!
-Uh, check, please!
-My fiancee is awaiting his parole.
-It didn't seem worth a blood test.
-I'm waiting until I get to be your age.
...
0 Comments, 104 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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Brains - Feminist Joke of the Millenium 4/27/2006
BRAINS
In the hospital, the relatives gathered in the waiting
room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally,
the doctor came in looking tired and somber.
"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news, "
she said as she surveyed the worried faces.
"The only hope left for your loved one at this time
is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, ...
0 Comments, 58 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Math 101 4/25/2006
What is the square root of 69? 8 something.
0 Comments, 92 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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SPELLING 101 4/24/2006
WHY IS SEX SPELLED S-E-X? IT IS EASIER THAN TRYING TO SPELL,
O-H-G-O-D-I-M-C-O-M-I-N-G!
0 Comments, 98 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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ALCOHOL RELATED 4/11/2006
2 DRUNKS WERE WALKING DOWN SOME RAILROAD TRACKS."I
SURE WOULD LIKE TO GET OFF THIS STAIRWAY, " SAID ONE.
THE OTHER REPLIED, "I DON'T MIND THE STAIRS,
BUT THE HANDRAIL IS TO LOW."
WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AN IRISH WEDDING AND AN IRISH
FUNERAL? ONE LESS DRUNK AT THE FUNERAL.
WHEN IS THE ONLY TIME A DRUNK TELLS THE TRUTH? WHEN HE CALLS ...
1 Comments, 96 Views,
8 Votes
,2.32 Score
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WALKING INTO A BAR 4/11/2006
1. A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "GIMME A BEER,
AND A MOP.' 2. A penguin walks into a bar and says, "ANYBODY
SEEN MY BROTHER?" The bartender replies, "WHAT
DOES HE LOOK LIKE?" 3. A neutron walks into a bar. The
bartender says, "NO CHARGE." 4. A mushroom
walks into a bar. The bartender says, "SORRY PAL,
WE ...
1 Comments, 152 Views,
16 Votes
,1.95 Score
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A very desperate marriage 4/11/2006
A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose
to her. Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever
been married. Of course, they dated about once a week for
the past six years, but he was so timid he just never got around
to suggesting marriage much less living together.
But one day, he became determined to ask her the question.
So he calls her on the ...
1 Comments, 99 Views,
8 Votes
,3.94 Score
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Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence--a life sentence. 4/11/2006
Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music
is over, the strings are attached.
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is
an institution for the blind.
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's
Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger
and two under the man's ...
7 Comments, 175 Views,
19 Votes
,5.76 Score
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Asking the Wizard of Oz 4/11/2006
President Bush, Dan Quayle, Ross Perot, and Bill Clinton
all traveled together to see the Wizard of Oz. Upon arrival,
they were brought to see him.
First, President Bush went to see the Wizard and said, "Everyone
says I have no compassion or feelings, I wish to have a Heart".
So the Wizard said, "So be it".
Second was Dan Quayle. He told the Wizard, "People
think I'm ...
2 Comments, 98 Views,
5 Votes
,4.77 Score
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JOKE TIME.... 4/9/2006
3 brothers named Bu, Chu and Fu migrated to USA from China.
They decided to change their name :
Bu became Buck
Chu became Chuck.
Fu decided to go back to China .
Man : I want to divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to
me in 6 months.
Lawyer: Better think it over. Wives like that are very hard
to find!
Do you know why bra makers measure cup size by "A B C
D ...
0 Comments, 95 Views,
8 Votes
,4.17 Score
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THE PERFECT COUPLE .... 4/9/2006
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After
a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their
life together was, of course, perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was
driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they
noticed someone at the side of the road in distress.
Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. ...
1 Comments, 239 Views,
29 Votes
,4.84 Score
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3 WISHES .... 4/9/2006
Three friends were stranded on a desert island. After several
weeks with no food and no drinking water, they were beginning
to lose heart.
Suddenly, a bottle floated into the shore and a beautiful
genie popped out. She said "I have three wishes to
grant. Each of you gentleman can make one wish come true."
Friend number one got excited. He said "I wish I was
in Las ...
0 Comments, 73 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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MARRIAGE COUNSELING ..... 4/9/2006
After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant
arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way
to save their marriage was to try counseling.
When they arrived at the counselor's office, the counselor
jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. "What
seems to be the problem?" The wife began talking describing
all the wrongs within their marriage.
...
0 Comments, 66 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
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THE WHOLE TRUTH.... 4/9/2006
At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are
hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very
easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole
truth" even when you don't know anything.
The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted
by his mother at the front door he says, "I know the
whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and ...
0 Comments, 51 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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A DEFINITE DEFINITION ...... 4/9/2006
A teacher decides that she is going to teach her second grade
class a new word today. She tells them that the word is "definitely"
and its meaning is "absolute, positive, without
a doubt."
She asks the class if anyone can think of a sentence with
the word in it. She calls on little Susan who is in the back
raising her hand, quite sure of herself.
Susan stands up and says, "The sky is ...
0 Comments, 40 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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SHOCKING LETTER ..... 4/9/2006
A mother enters her 's bedroom and sees a letter
on the wall over the bed. With the worst premonition, she
reads it, with trembling hands: It is with great regret
and sorrow that I'm telling you that I eloped with my
new boyfriend. I found real passion and he is so nice, with
all his piercings and tattoos and his big motorcycle.
But is not only that Mum, I'm pregnant and Ahmed ...
0 Comments, 47 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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ALWAYS THERE FOR ME.... 4/9/2006
This woman's husband had been slipping in and out of
a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside
every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for
her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You
know what? You have been with me through all the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business ...
0 Comments, 52 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
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SPEEDY DIVORCE 4/9/2006
A married couple are driving along a highway doing 60mph,
the wife behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over
at her and says, "Honey, I know we've been married
for 20 years, but I want a divorce."
The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to 70 mph.
He then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me
out of it, because I've been having an affair with your ...
0 Comments, 55 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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FIRST AID 4/9/2006
It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of
a busy intersection. Traffic quickly piled up in all directions
while a woman rushed to help him. When she knelt down to loosen
his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside,
and said, "It's all right honey, I've had
a course in first aid."
The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man's
pulse and ...
0 Comments, 41 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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RELIEF FROM HOUSEWORK 4/9/2006
The housewife answered the phone and listened with relief
to the voice in her ear. "How are you, dear? What kind
of day are you having?"
"Oh, Mom, the baby won't eat, the washing machine
is broke, I've not been able to get out of the house to
shop, I twisted my ankle and have been hobbling around.
On top of that, the house is a mess and we're supposed
to have two couples over for ...
0 Comments, 43 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
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THEY DON'T TELL ME ANYTHING... 4/9/2006
A sweet grandmother telephoned Makati Medical Hospital.
She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone
who can tell me how a patient is doing?"
The operator said "I'll be glad to help, Dear.
What's the name and room number?"
The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, "Marie
Mckay in room 302."
The Operator replied, "Let me check. Oh, good news. ...
0 Comments, 59 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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CAT..... 4/9/2006
This cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat, keep cat,
an cat, idiot cat, busy cat, for cat, 20 cat, seconds cat
!... Now read it without the word cat ...
0 Comments, 47 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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A Man and his Ostrich ..... 4/9/2006
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown
ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks for their orders.
The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke, "
and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same, " says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order.
"That will be $9.40 please, " and the man reaches
into his ...
1 Comments, 308 Views,
36 Votes
,5.57 Score
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REDNECK ID 2 4/8/2006
WHY IS IT SO HARD TO ID A DEAD REDNECK? THERE ARE NO DENTAL
RECORDS, AND EVERYBODY HAS THE SAME DNA.
0 Comments, 48 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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REDNECK ID 4/8/2006
A POLICEMAN STOPPED A REDNECK, AND SAID "YOU GOT ANY
ID?" THE REDNECK REPLIED, "ABOUT WHAT?"
1 Comments, 68 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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The difference between theory and reality. 4/2/2006
A young boy needed help with his schoolwork, so he went to
his father."Dad, I have to explain the difference
between theory and reality for science class. Can you help
me?" The father replied, "Sure , I can help
you. go into the kitchen and ask your mother if she would
sleep with the mailman for 50 thousand dollars. Then I want
you to go upstairs and ask your sister if she would sleep
with ...
0 Comments, 106 Views,
5 Votes
,1.84 Score
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A REAL EMERGENCY 3/30/2006
A Doctor was working late in his office, when suddenly his
phone rang. It was a hysterical woman, who cried, "Doctor,
come quick! My little boy just swallowed a condom!"
The doctor threw on his coat and started to dash out of his
office. The phone rang again. It was the same woman."Nevermind"
she said, "My husband found another one."
0 Comments, 55 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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Tis an Irish joke 3/27/2006
An Irish man had just got a job at a construction site and
the boss gave him his first job to measure the hight of the
ladder.
So up he went with the tape measure but each time he went up
the tape measure kept on retracting. After watching him
for awhile the boss said to him "why dont you lay the
ladder flat on the ground and then measure it"
Where as the Irish man repied "dont be daft, ...
0 Comments, 47 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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Yo mama so fat, the whales sing 3/26/2006
Yo mamma's so fat, when she went to the beach, the whales
sang "We are family!"
0 Comments, 43 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Social Security 3/26/2006
A retired gentleman went to the social security office
to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's
license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized
he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was
very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home.
"I will have to go home and come back later."
The woman ...
0 Comments, 41 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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Encyclopaedia Britannica 3/26/2006
Seen in my local paper's "readers sales"
section.
FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of encyclopaedia Britannica.
45 Volumes. Excellent condition.
?000 pounds or best offer.
Reason for sale:- No longer required.
Got married last weekend.
Wife knows F**king everything.
0 Comments, 32 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Need Samples 3/26/2006
An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his
wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination
room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample,
a stool sample and a sperm sample."
The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and
yells: "WHAT?"
"What did he say? What's he want?"
His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."
0 Comments, 38 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Poor guy 3/26/2006
A man escapes from prison
where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look
for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while
tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her
neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's
in there, the husband tells his wife:
...
0 Comments, 49 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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Has technology changed YOU? 3/13/2006
1. If it's not microwavable, can you cook it?
2. When was the last time you played a card game with REAL
cards?
3. Have you ever talked with someone using Instant Messages
who was in the same house?
4. Do you 'keep in touch' with anyone by simply
sending forwards?
5. Ever use a cell phone to call the house from your driveway?
6. What about, to call ...
0 Comments, 54 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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The Spanish Computer 3/7/2006
The Spanish Computer
A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish,
unlike
English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
She
explained,
"'house' for instance, is feminine: 'la
casa, ' but, 'pencil, ' however,
is
masculine: 'el lapiz.'"
A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"
Instead of giving the answer, ...
0 Comments, 38 Views,
5 Votes
,1.84 Score
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When is being comfortable, too comfortable? 2/25/2006
As a woman, if I am with my boyfriend, when during the course
of the relationship is it alright to become COMFORTABLE
in the relationship, and is it being too comfortable? Personally,
I don't think I am capable of finding a time where I can
naturally burp or worse, relieve myself in the presence
of my boyfriend. I just don't think there is a good time
for that- ever. Not even in ...
0 Comments, 250 Views,
9 Votes
,2.57 Score
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10 Of The World's Worst Pick-Up Lines 2/21/2006
Your eyes meet across a crowded room... the atmosphere
is charged with desire... you approach, cool and composed...
and knock 'em dead with a line like...
<br>
1. Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
<br>
2. I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house?
<br>
3. You have to tell me your name, because last night in my
dreams, I could only ...
1 Comments, 231 Views,
7 Votes
,3.30 Score
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MUST READ Extremely Lame Pick Up Lines 2/21/2006
1. The word of the day is "legs." Let's go
back to my place and spread the word.
<br>
2. That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom
floor tomorrow morning.
<br>
3. I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
<br>
4. I like every bone in your body especially mine.
<br>
5. How about you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops
up?
...
1 Comments, 219 Views,
7 Votes
,3.04 Score
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MUST READ = Comeback Lines 2 Pick Up Lines 2/21/2006
1. Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
<br>
2. Is this seat empty?
Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
<br>
3. Your place or mine?
Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
<br>
4. So, what do you do for a living?
I'm a female impersonator.
<br>
5. Hey baby, what's your sign?
Do not enter.
...
0 Comments, 240 Views,
7 Votes
,6.10 Score
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The FLU 2/14/2006
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties.
She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One
afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him
into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat
while she prepared tea.
<br>
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister
noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was ...
0 Comments, 70 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Ladies Night Out! 2/8/2006
The other night , a few friends of mine went out to this "Lady's
Club." One of the women wanted to impress us. So, she
pulled out a $10 bill.
<br>
The male dancer came over to us, and my friend licked the
$10 bill and put it on his butt. Not to be out done, one of the
other women pulled out a $50 bill. She called the guy back
over, licked the $50 bill, and put it on his other butt ...
4 Comments, 143 Views,
8 Votes
,4.17 Score
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Moods of a Man & a Woman 2/8/2006
Moods of a Woman
<br>
An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
A woman is a bundle of contradiction,
She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse, But
will tackle her boyfriend alone in the house. Sour as vinegar,
sweet as a rose,
She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose, She'll
win you in range, enchant you in silk, She'll be stronger
than brandy, milder than ...
0 Comments, 60 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
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They Got My Girlfriend Too! 2/8/2006
Welcome to Auntie M's Classic Jokes.
<br>
Police Jokes
<br>
A man walked out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a
key in his hand. A street cop on his beat sees the guy and approaches
him. "Can I help you, sir?" said the cop.
<br>
"Yesssh! Ssssshomebody ssshtole my car!"
the man replied.
<br>
The policeman asked, "Where was the car the last time ...
2 Comments, 103 Views,
8 Votes
,2.78 Score
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Doing 69 in a 35 Zone! 2/8/2006
A young dating couple were driving down the road in a very
busy area, when things started to get somewhat passionate.
So they decided to pull over and park and have some fun. Things
were really getting hot, and they were not paying any attention
to what was going on outside.
<br>
All of a sudden a policeman was tapping on their window.
The cop could hardly contain himself. "Didn't ...
0 Comments, 68 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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Accountability & Reason 2/8/2006
I knew a man who was very butch but he wrote womens novels
for a living. He also used a pen name that was female.
<br>
I said to my friend, "You are one of the most macho sexist
people I know. How in the world can you be successful at writing
womens romance novels?"
<br>
My friend told me that it was easy! He said, "I write
like a man and just take away accountability & ...
0 Comments, 59 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
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Funniest / Most Embarrassing Dates.. 2/7/2006
Has anyone ever had a most embarrassing moment on a date..
something you said or did.. or something that your date
did that you remember and can't ever forget.. What
was it? Give us a laugh or two.. =)
<br>
..I'll start it off with one of my most embarrassing
dates.. I went through the whole date and then realised
at the very last minute that I forgot to zip up my mr.pip pocket ...
0 Comments, 88 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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humor is m 2/6/2006
make it happen make it happen
0 Comments, 73 Views,
1 Votes
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JOKE FOR A DAY 2/3/2006
One day old man Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the Illinois
State Fair. There is this man selling plane rides in his
single prop show plane for $10 per person. Stumpy looks
to Martha and says, "Martha, I think I really should
try that." Martha replies, "I know you want
to Stumpy, but we have a lot of bills, and you know the money
is tight, and $10 is $10." So Stumpy goes without. ...
0 Comments, 125 Views,
7 Votes
,4.82 Score
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FREE JAPANESE LESSON FROM ME!!! 2/3/2006
Verb Nominal
"na"-nominals
Colors
Vocabulary
The verbal adjective should be considered a verb as it can
be used as the closing verb of a sentence. The verbal adjectives
also have all the conjugations normal verbs have save one:
the meireikei, or imperative form, which I mentioned briefly
in the last lesson.
The Rentaikei
The rentaikei of verbal adjectives occurs in the same ...
0 Comments, 127 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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LoVe DeTeCtIve 2/3/2006
A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired
a famous chinese detective, Mr. Sui Tansow Pok, to watch
and report any activities that might develop. A few days
later, he recieved this report:
Most honorable sir:
You leave house.
He come house.
I watch.
He and she leave house.
I follow.
He and she get on train.
I follow.
He and she go in hotel.
I climb ...
0 Comments, 72 Views,
6 Votes
,5.07 Score
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OnE aND a HalF FoOt 2/3/2006
On their wedding night, Young Dianne says to new hubby,
If you don't remove your socks, I am not getting in bed
at all.
Hubby is determined not to remove the socks. Dianne argues
he is perhaps kinky!
Hubby eventually gives in, all right he says, I have hid
this from you all through our courting days though. Look!
Removing the socks, one foot is only half there!
I lost it during an ...
0 Comments, 69 Views,
6 Votes
,3.37 Score
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UnFaIthFul 2/3/2006
Arriving home early from work one day. I heard the wife moaning
upstairs. She must be on the toilet I thought to myself!
Getting up the stairs myself, turned out, she was only in
bed with my best friend, my Next door neighbour, I was shocked,
stunned flabberghasted, choking and stuttering, I cried
out to him How could you, I can't comprehend, don't
understand! I mean I have to, you don't!
...
0 Comments, 69 Views,
0 Votes
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TIME FOR M A R R I A G E 2/3/2006
Victor and Leah were an elderly couple who had been dating
for some time. One day, they decided it was finally time
to get married. But first, they needed to discuss how their
marriage might work. They talked about finances, living
arrangements, health and finally, their conjugal relationship.
"How do you feel about sex?" Victor asked Leah,
with a smile on his face.
"Oh, I like to ...
0 Comments, 66 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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elderly LOVE 2/3/2006
As soon as Ruth hears that her 99year old grandfather has
died, she goes to see her 95year old grandmother to comfort
her.
"Oh Booba, I’m so sorry. How did Zeida die?"
"He had a heart attack on Sunday morning while we were
making love." "But Booba, " says Ruth, "You were both
nearly 100 years old. Didn’t you realise that having sex
would be asking for trouble?" "Many ...
0 Comments, 63 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
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Visit a PSYCHIATRIST 2/3/2006
Sidney goes to see his psychiatrist. As soon as he lies down
on the couch, he says, “I needed to have this appointment
because I’m sure I’m gay.”
Doctor Myers says, “And what, please tell me, makes you
think you’re gay?”
“Well, ” says Sidney, “my father Hershel was gay and so
was my grandfather.”
“So ...
0 Comments, 63 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
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Modern DRESS sense... 2/3/2006
Rebecca is 15 years old and tonight she has a date. When she
finishes dressing, she comes downstairs and shocks her
Booba because Rebecca is wearing a see-through blouse
and she’s clearly not wearing anything underneath it.
Her Booba shouts at her and tells her she mustn’t go out un-dressed
like that. She looks like a tart.
But Rebecca walks out the door anyway, saying, ...
0 Comments, 69 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
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RULES in handling your...P^^^^ 2/3/2006
1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.
<br>
3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw,
it is not standard practice to come on someone's face.
<br>
4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.
<br>
5. My ears are NOT handles.
<br>
6. Extension to rule #5 - do ...
1 Comments, 137 Views,
11 Votes
,2.98 Score
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MUST ***The Stages of Life*** READ 1/25/2006
THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE
AGE DRINK
17 beer
25 beer
35 vodka
48 double vodka
66 Maalox
SEDUCTION LINE
17 My parents are away for the weekend.
25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
35 My fiancee is ...
0 Comments, 204 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
|
|
Pretending to be married 1/18/2006
Pretending to be Married
A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves
assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental
train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing
a room, the two are tired and fall asleep quickly...he
in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying, ...
0 Comments, 928 Views,
96 Votes
,4.75 Score
|
|
Don't Ask Grandma 12/15/2005
Little Jordan was staying with his Grandmother for a few
days. He'd been playing outside with some of the neighborhood
for a while when he came into the house and asked
her, "Grandma, what is it called when people sleep
on top of each other?"
<br>
She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the
truth. "It's called sexual intercourse, darling."
Then she explained all ...
0 Comments, 210 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
|
|
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN 11/2/2005
* Wine her,
* Dine her,
* Call her,
* Hug her,
* Support her,
* Hold her,
* Surprise her,
* Compliment her,
* Smile at her,
* Listen to her,
* Laugh with her,
* Cry with her,
* Romance her,
* Encourage her,
* Believe in her,
* Pray with her,
* Pray for her,
* Cuddle with her,
* Shop with her,
* Give her jewelry,
* Buy her flowers,
* Hold her hand,
* ...
0 Comments, 343 Views,
26 Votes
,3.89 Score
|
|
Men are from Mars, Women are from out west 11/2/2005
A woman is driving at night on a narrow country road. At the
same time a man is driving in the opposite direction on that
same road.
<br>
When they narrowly pass each other at high speed, the woman
rolls down her window and shouts - ! Immediately the
man shouts back - BITCH!
<br>
The man laughs. He is proud to have reacted so quickly to
the shouting woman and takes the ...
0 Comments, 207 Views,
12 Votes
,3.33 Score
|
|
the happiest guy 9/12/2005
Two men were chatting inside a room. Then Mr A came in with
a happy face. One of the men asked, ' how come he is so
happy?'. Replied: He just found a girl friend. Mr B
came in with a happier face. One of the men asked, 'How
come he is so happy?'. Replied: He just got married.
Finally Mr C came in with the happiest face. One of the men
asked, ' How come he is so happy?'. Replied: He
just ...
0 Comments, 240 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
|
|
What are you going to do if the guy is playing with you?? 8/31/2005
Most of the girls falling in love so fast with a guy, but the
guy doesn't feel that way, they just want to play around
you. Seem's like they doesn't care if you like
him or not. However, they will talk to you or call you only
when they need you and when they got bored. What kind of guy
is this?
3 Comments, 419 Views,
17 Votes
,3.97 Score
|
|
Trust A Friend 8/28/2005
A man leaves home to go fight in the Crusades and decides
that his wife should wear a chastity belt in his absence.
So he locks her up and gives the key to his best friend.
He tells him, "If I'm not back in four years, unlock
my wife and set her free to live a normal life."
<br>
The husband leaves on horseback and about half an hour later,
he sees a cloud of dust behind him. He ...
0 Comments, 253 Views,
9 Votes
,4.07 Score
|
|
What Not To Say To A Pregnant Woman 8/28/2005
If your wife or girlfriend is pregnant, you might want to
avoid saying these:
"Sure you'll get your figure back. We'll
just search 1985 to see where you left it."
<br>
"How come you're so much fatter than the other
chicks in Lamaze?"
<br>
"What's the big deal? If you can handle 'me'
going in, surely you can handle a baby coming out."
<br>
"Hey, when ...
0 Comments, 291 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
|
|
Washing The Clothes 8/28/2005
John and Claire are newly married. They are still a little
shy about doing the wild thing, so they decide to just refer
to it as "washing the clothes." One night, Claire
invites some of her friends over for dinner, but John is
really horny and doesn't want to have to entertain
their guests.
So, as Claire is serving the main course, he whispers in
her ear, "Let's go wash the clothes." ...
0 Comments, 304 Views,
9 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
|
Love Potion 8/28/2005
A guy goes to a pharmacist and says, "Listen, these
two girls are coming to my place for the weekend and they
are hot, very hot. Would you have something to get me going
all night? It's going to be one hell of a party."
The pharmacist goes in the back room, comes back with an
old dusty bottle and says, "This stuff is very potent.
Drink only one ounce of it and I guarantee that you will be ...
0 Comments, 342 Views,
13 Votes
,4.32 Score
|
|
"Old" Is When... 8/19/2005
I got this funny article  wanna share it with you lolz.
<br>
Your woman says, "Let's go upstairs and make
love, " and you answer, "Honey, I can't
do both!"
<br>
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes
and you're barefoot.
<br>
A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens
the garage door.
<br>
You don't care where your ...
3 Comments, 181 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
|
|
Oh Baby! 8/19/2005
A sexy housewife was built so well that the TV repairman
couldn't take his eyes off of her. Every time she came
in the room, he'd just about jerk his neck right out
of joint looking at her.
When he finished, she paid him and said, "I'm
going to make a... well... an unusual request. But first,
you have to promise me that you'll keep it a secret."
<br>
The repairman quickly agreed ...
0 Comments, 153 Views,
7 Votes
,3.55 Score
|
|
Nervous Groom 8/19/2005
The best man explained exactly what to do, but the groom
still lacked confidence, so he asked the best man to wait
outside the hotel's bridal suite and prompt him if
he got into trouble. The best man agreed.
When the bride and groom were in the bridal suite, the groom
decided to get changed in the bathroom first, but got so
nervous he couldn't bring himself to come out. His
bride knew he ...
0 Comments, 165 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
Why men lies 8/19/2005
One day a woodcutter was cutting a branch when his axe slipped
and fell into the river below. He fell on his knees and prayed
and the Lord appeared.
"Why are you crying?", the Lord asked. The woodcutter
replied that his axe had fallen into water.
<br>
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden
axe. "Is this your axe?", he asked.
<br>
"No", The ...
2 Comments, 258 Views,
7 Votes
,4.31 Score
|
|
High and Low Voice 8/13/2005
"Can you explain to me what the difference is between
a high-pitched and low-pitched voice?"
"A high-pitched voice is when my father scold me;A
low-pitched voice is when my father speaks with his boss."
0 Comments, 167 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Mask 8/13/2005
Jim: My aunt was very embarrassed when she was asked to take
offf her mask at the party.
Mary:Why was that?
Jim :She wasn't wearing one.
0 Comments, 201 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score
|
|
Essay 8/13/2005
A teacher had assigned his class an essay entitled "A
Game of Cricket", After two minutes Simon Steel
handed in his paper and was allowed to go home.
His essay read:"Rain stopped play."
0 Comments, 91 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Supper 8/13/2005
"How wa the dinner yesterday?"
"If the soup was as hot as the wine , the wine as old
as the chicken , the chicken as fat as the hostess , we would
have had a good time."
0 Comments, 193 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Funny jokes (relationship) 8/5/2005
Your woman says, "Let's go upstairs and make
love, " and you answer, "Honey, I can't
do both!"
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes
and you're barefoot.
A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens
the garage door.
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long
as you don't have to go along.
You are cautioned to slow ...
0 Comments, 179 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
|
|
Yet another wife joke 7/19/2005
Man driving his car, sees the flashing lights in the rear
vision mirror, in a moment of poor judgement he decides
to try and race off to avoid being stopped by the policeman.
After several minutes of rather quick driving he comes
to his senses realizing that he cannot and should not out
run the policeman, so he stops the car and waits for the policeman
with his heart racing very fast as he ...
0 Comments, 348 Views,
7 Votes
,3.55 Score
|
|
joke 7/15/2005
A couple, both born the same year and month, were celebrating
their 60th birthdays. During the celebration, a fairy
appeared and said that because they had been so loving she
would grant them each one wish.
<br>
Very excited, the wife said that since she had already visited
most of North America in her RV she would like to visit Europe.
The fairy waved her magic wand; airline ...
0 Comments, 302 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
|
|
Smart Woman! 7/7/2005
Augusto had worked all his life, saved all his money, and
was a real
miser. Just before he died, he said to his wife, Maria, "When
I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the coffin
so I can take it all to the
afterlife with me."
<br>
And so Maria promised him, with all her heart, that when
he died, she would
put all the money in the coffin with him. Well, ...
0 Comments, 1416 Views,
14 Votes
,5.22 Score
|
|
Love & Marriage (quotes from the infamous) 7/6/2005
"When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge
than to let him keep her." Sacha Guitry.
<br>
<br>
"There is one thing I would break up over and that is
if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn't stand
for that." Steve Martin.
<br>
<br>
"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her
is his wife." Groucho Marx.
<br>
...
2 Comments, 1286 Views,
81 Votes
,5.93 Score
|
|
AFTER EFFECTS (Medical Joke) 7/5/2005
"How did it happen?" the doctor asked the middle-aged
farmhand as he set the man's broken leg.
<br>
"Well, doc, 25 years ago ..." <br>
"Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg
this morning." <br>
"Like I was saying...25 years ago, when I first started
working on the farm, that night, right after I'd gone
to bed, the farmer's beautiful came into
my ...
0 Comments, 402 Views,
9 Votes
,2.36 Score
|
|
Need a break from serious relationship? :) 6/29/2005
What Happens When You Fall In Love With
<br>
A chef? (You get buttered up.)
A chauffeur? (You get taken for a ride.)
A gambler? (He cheats on you.)
A telephone operator? (He gives you a phone-y line.)
A trashman? (He dumps you.)
A clockmaker? (He two-times you.)
A pastry cook? (He desserts you.)
A shoe salesman? (He walks all over you.)
An elevator operator? (He lets ...
1 Comments, 462 Views,
18 Votes
,2.31 Score
|
|
The Hikers 6/25/2005
The Hikers
<br>
One day, Bob, Joe and Dave were hiking in a wilderness area
when they came upon a large, raging, violent river. They
needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do
so.
<br>
Bob prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the
strength to cross this river."
<br>
Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able
to ...
0 Comments, 271 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
|
|
Lawyer questions 6/25/2005
Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't
prepared for the answer.
<br>
In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney
called his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman
to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones,
do you know me?"
<br>
She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams.
I've known you since you were a ...
0 Comments, 238 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
|
|
The search for Mr. or Miss Right 6/21/2005
The search for Mr. or Miss Right
can be an incredibly daunting task without the right set
of tools. Dating is an extremely fickle game.
What works successfully for one person may spell disaster
for another. With so many different types of people, interests
and dating obstacles, how can anyone feel anything but
helpless and lost when it comes to finding their perfect
future mate?
...
0 Comments, 122 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
|
|
rings u say?? 6/21/2005
in every reltionship, ,, a man has to prepare for the 3
rings...
<br>
1...engagement ring
2...wedding ring
3...suffer-ring
hehe....
0 Comments, 305 Views,
6 Votes
,3.37 Score
|
|
marriage..... 6/21/2005
on 1st year of marriage...
the husband talks, the wife listens
<br>
on 2nd year of marriage....
the wife talks, the husband listens
<br>
on the 3rd year of marriage...
the husband and the wife talks, the neighbors listen..
hehe....
0 Comments, 746 Views,
8 Votes
,3.25 Score
|
|
Little Johnny Jokes 6/6/2005
One day little Johnny's teacher was trying to teach
about men's body parts.
<br>
When she get's to a picture of a penis
Little Johnny's hand shoots up most eager to answer
he starts to chant. " I know I know I Know my daddy had
two of those and I have one.
The teacher tries to correct little Johnny. " No Johnny
We are going to learn that every man and boy has one but only
one". ...
0 Comments, 301 Views,
6 Votes
,2.23 Score
|
|
He probably said I was...... 6/6/2005
Rookie cop pulls over a man for speeding. When He asks the
man for his license the man replies in a slurred voice. "I
was driving so damn fast cause I don't got one some fat
judge took it and called me a drunk too". The cop alert
now asks calmly, "Have you beem drinking sir".
Man again slurs, "bet your ass". The cop knows
he's got a real situation here but tries to keep it cool
and ...
0 Comments, 72 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score
|
|
The seizure 6/6/2005
I walking down the street when a man comes out of his house
buck naked screaming for help.
I rush to help and he tells me it's his wife and urges
me to follow him.
We charge in a room with a pool table where the wife is on top
and naked and flailing away with her arms and legs. I was
uncomfortable but it was obvious she was having a seizure.
The man said he was a Doc and that help was on ...
0 Comments, 70 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
|
|
Married Life 5/19/2005
It's a sad day or week!.. My co-worker resigned last
week and is moving his wife and his two year old to NC because
they bought a house down there. His wife had a from a previous
marriage that is an early with "problems"
he's going to start living with them. So he said he couldn't
stay and work here because it would be difficult to have
the with problems living with them in a small ...
0 Comments, 1124 Views,
1 Votes
|
|
MSG 5/15/2005
Jim Finn, the noted biologist, was stumped. He'd spent
months studying
the little green frogs in the Keefo swamp. The population,
despite all
efforts at predator control, was declining at an alarming
rate.
<br>
Finally, Finn went to the chemistry department at his college
to see if
anyone there might be able to help. Tom Trom looked into
the problem and
came up with ...
0 Comments, 375 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score
|
|
Don't Lie To Your Mother 5/14/2005
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal,
his mother
couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's
roommate was. She had long
been suspicious of a relationship between John and his
roommate and
this only made her more curious.
<br>
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact,
she
started to wonder if there was more between John and the ...
0 Comments, 200 Views,
7 Votes
,5.33 Score
|
|
No sex tonight? 5/14/2005
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women
differ
so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and
Mars thing.
I have never figured out why men think with their head and
women with
their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were
getting
into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually
says "I don't feel ...
0 Comments, 419 Views,
6 Votes
,5.36 Score
|
|
Fairy and the married couple 5/14/2005
A Fairy told a married couple: " For being an exemplary
married couple for 25 years I will give you each a wish"
"I want to travel around the world with my dearest
husband" said the wife. The Fairy moved her magic
stick and abracadabra! two tickets appeared in her hands.
Now was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment
and said:
"Well....this moment is very romantic, but an ...
0 Comments, 73 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
|
|
a strange friend from AFF 5/7/2005
I've looked for pure friendship on AFF for a long long
time. I hope I can have a foreign friend who can help me with
my oral English. Of course, I can also help foreigners with
many things. And foreigners need Chinese friends in China.
One day I saw the profile of Australian_Bo on AFF. I contacted
the man and the man came to Shenzhen to see me many times.
His name is Lang ...
1 Comments, 340 Views,
5 Votes
,1.19 Score
|
|
a strange friend from AFF 4/29/2005
I've looked for pure friendship on AFF for a long long
time. I hope I can have a foreign friend who can help me with
my oral English. Of course, I can also help foreigners with
many things. And foreigners need Chinese friends in China.
One day I saw the profile of Australian_Bo on AFF. I contacted
the man and the man came to Shenzhen to see me many times.
His name is Lang bo. Before he came ...
1 Comments, 362 Views,
5 Votes
,1.84 Score
|
|
The Worst (or Best) Country-Western Song Titles of All-Time 4/24/2005
The Worst (or Best) Country-Western Song Titles of All-Time:
1. Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In Bed
2. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing
you Goodbye
3. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
4. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
5. I Can't Get Over You, So Why Don't You Get Under
Me?
6. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
7. ...
0 Comments, 315 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
|
|
hehe 4/24/2005
Do you know?
<br>
Where there is a will, there is a way.
<br>
Love me, love my dog.
<br>
A friend in need is friend indeed.
<br>
Well begun is half done.
<br>
One boy is a boy, two boys half a boy, there boys no boy.
0 Comments, 408 Views,
7 Votes
,0.24 Score
|
|
Love is ..... 4/6/2005
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it was and always will be yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.
If it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff,
eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money and
never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first
place, you either married it or gave birth ...
0 Comments, 400 Views,
15 Votes
,3.44 Score
|
|
21 Advantages of being a Man 4/6/2005
1 If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
2 Everything on your face stays its original colour.
3 Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
4 Car mechanics tell you the truth.
5 Same work...more pay.
6 Grey hair and wrinkles only add character.
7 Wedding dress -- $2, 000. Tuxedo rental -- $75.
8 Phone ...
0 Comments, 370 Views,
11 Votes
,3.54 Score
|
|
chinese sick days 4/5/2005
Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, boss I no
come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache
and legs hurt, I no come work." The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really
need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell
her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go
to work. You try that." Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "Boss, I ...
0 Comments, 751 Views,
19 Votes
,4.18 Score
|
|
Machine Doctor 3/23/2005
One day a man was playing tennis when he hurt his arm. He dreaded
going to the doctor cause of the long wait and the large bill.
His friend told him of a new machine at the pharmacy called
Machine Doctor.
His friend told him to just place a sample of his urine and
10.00 in the machine and it would tell him what was wrong
and how to fix it.
Feeling that he had nothing to lose the man ...
0 Comments, 175 Views,
10 Votes
,3.98 Score
|
|
Dear Abby...(these are for real!!!) 3/19/2005
Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is
a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker
in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together
and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment.
Do you think they could be Lebanese?
<br>
<br>
Dear Abby,
I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm
not ...
0 Comments, 213 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
|
|
20 Reasons Why Women Are Luckier Then Men 3/19/2005
1. Men open doors for you.
2. You always beat men at Scrabble.
3. You will always be the first in line.
4. You can tell the difference been a real Louis Vuitton
and a fake.
5. You know how to control your internal gas.
6. You appreciate things with an Armani, Gucci, Hermes,
Chanel label.
7. You have average looks but are a knockout with makeup.
8. You can do three things that ...
0 Comments, 331 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
|
|
The Value of an Education 3/19/2005
A college girl was supposed to write a short story in as few
words as possible for English class.
<br>
The instructions were that it had to include Religion,
Sexuality and Mystery.
<br>
She was the only one who received an A+ and this is what she
wrote:
<br>
<br>
"Good God, I'm pregnant, I wonder who did it."
0 Comments, 303 Views,
7 Votes
,3.80 Score
|
|
HIS AND HER DIARIES 3/19/2005
HER DIARY
Sunday night - I thought he was acting weird. We had made
plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with
my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact
that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
<br>
<br>
Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested we go somewhere
quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept ...
0 Comments, 322 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
|
|
I dream of Genie 3/19/2005
A man walking along a California beach finds a old oil lamp.
After wiping off the sand, out comes a Genie. "Listen
man, I have been doing this wish thing for hundreds of years,
and quite frankly, I am tired of it. So, I am only giving you
one wish. Make it good."
After some careful thought, the man says, "Well,
I have always wanted to visit Hawaii, but I am afraid to fly,
and ...
0 Comments, 270 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
|
|
Sexy Professions 3/7/2005
Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel
for their honeymoons, where they were all taken care of
by Dave the Bellboy.
<br>
The first man married a nurse. Dave showed them to their
room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy. Nurses
are known to be hot to trot". The second man married
a telephone operator. Dave showed them to their room and
thought to ...
0 Comments, 387 Views,
10 Votes
,4.58 Score
|
|
Strict parents and smoking 2/23/2005
"I had strict parents growing up, " comments
comedian Judah Friedlander, "especially my dad.
When I was 10, I got caught smoking with my friend Larry.
My dad busted us! So, to teach me a lesson, he shot Larry in
the face. 'You see, , ' he began to lecture,
'smoking can kill.'
<br>
"A few years later, he caught me smoking again. I didn't
have Larry with me this time (for ...
0 Comments, 591 Views,
5 Votes
,1.51 Score
|
|
Et cetera 2/23/2005
Judah Friedlander once told a crowd:
<br>
I hate reading, but I love the word "et cetera."
You see it in writing a lot. But I like to use it in conversations
just to be a jerk! The look on people's faces is worth
it. For example, people will ask me, like, "Hey, what
are you doing this weekend?" And I reply, "Et
cetera."
<br>
You run into someone else, and they ...
0 Comments, 99 Views,
2 Votes
,0.34 Score
|
|
Let's here it for family values 2/23/2005
A little boy comes home from school and tells his daddy that
his homework that night is to find out the difference between
"potentially" and "realistically."
<br>
"Easy, " says the boy's daddy. "First,
go ask your mom if she would sleep with the mailman for a million
dollars."
<br>
The lad runs off, then returns saying, "She said yes."
<br>
Then the father ...
0 Comments, 245 Views,
23 Votes
,4.53 Score
|
|
This is why friends don't let friends walk drunk 2/23/2005
A nun wearing a full black habit is walking past a bar when
a drunk stumbles out, sees her, and punches her in the face.
Before she can even utter a scream, he lands a solid jab and
finishes her off with a mighty uppercut. She lands on the
ground, where the drunk begins to kick her in the sides.
A few of his friends walk out of the bar, and as they pull him
off the bloody nun, he yells, ...
0 Comments, 247 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
|
|
TEN ROSES FOR YOU 2/21/2005
Ten roses for you
<br>
If you receive this
<br>
Is't because you're a special person
<br>
Send you ten wishes for everyday
<br>
One rose for friendship
<br>
A second for love
<br>
One forfinancial wealth
<br>
One for happiness
<br>
One for success
<br>
One for knowledge
<br>
...
0 Comments, 111 Views,
3 Votes
,0.49 Score
|
|
Run across this list with a grain of truth 2/5/2005
You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk
them and hope they panic and give in.
<br>
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people
are just a #@holes.
<br>
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust,
and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
<br>
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen ...
0 Comments, 493 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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Numbers 2/5/2005
Single men have seven condoms where married men have twelve...
<br>
A single man's condoms are labeled, Monday, Tuesday,
etc... where
a married man's condoms are labeled, January, February,
etc
0 Comments, 3739 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
|
|
Men Are Like Fine Wine, Women Are Like Fine Wine 1/26/2005
Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and
it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark
until they mature into something with which you'd
like to have dinner with.
<br>
Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity
and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied
with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you
a headache.
1 Comments, 435 Views,
14 Votes
,4.42 Score
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scottish valentine 1/25/2005
Of course I love ye darling....
You're a stoatin' top notch burd
And when I say you're gorgeous
I mean every single word
So yer bum is on the big side
I don't mind a bit of flab
It means that when I'm ready
There's something there to grab
So yer tummy isn't as flat as it was
I'm telling ye I don't care
So long as when I cuddle ye
I can get my arms around there
...
0 Comments, 196 Views,
1 Votes
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men explained 1/25/2005
WHY ARE WE SO BAD AT SHOPPING?
We've never been trained to do it the right way.Supermarkets
are like giant booby traps for males-which is why, if you
send a man out to buy eggs, sugar and bread, you should
not be surprised if he returns home with a case of wine, a
pair of jeans and a tree.
OUR SENSE OF HUMOUR
When women say that what they most want from a man is a ...
0 Comments, 264 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
|
|
Just funny 1/4/2005
Last year a young man graduated from the University of Arkansas
with a degree in journalism. His very first assignment,
for the newspaper who hired him, was to write a human interest
story. He decided to go into the Ozark Mountains to do
his research. He found an old farmer's house in an isolated
section and introduced himself to the man. He then asked
him, "Has anything ever happened ...
0 Comments, 175 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
|
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闲梦江南 12/30/2004
闲梦江南
<br>
...
0 Comments, 289 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
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how it can be possible... 12/27/2004
how it can be possible...
I'm a black male living in Italy and working around
IT.
I speak french, english and Italian fluently, but haven't
any knowledge in asian languages.
How can be possible to me, found here an asian female as a
life partner with whom I can share mutual love & respect
to complete my life. [note that : I am a tender, lovely, virtuous,
and responsible guy].
...
0 Comments, 212 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score
|
|
Men and Women 9/7/2004
1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay
$1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
<br>
2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
<br>
3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife
can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
<br>
...
0 Comments, 499 Views,
39 Votes
,8.45 Score
|
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Truth about Marriage 9/7/2004
1. Getting married is very much like going to a continental
restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and then
when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered
that.
2. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't
you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."
3. Man is incomplete until he is ...
0 Comments, 183 Views,
34 Votes
,7.01 Score
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An example of one that I like 8/27/2004
One of my favorite first dates was when I took a girl on a moonlight
picnic on the shores of Lake Conroe in TX. I picked her up
from her house in my Jeep. We drove up to the lake and spread
out a blanket on the shore. I had prepared the basket with
fine wine, cheese, crackers, strawberries, and whipped
cream.
<br>
I topped it off with a nice long stem red rose. We sat there ...
0 Comments, 115 Views,
26 Votes
,2.49 Score
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Friendship 8/20/2004
I think friends just like coffee, they can till you mind,
they ought to sovle yur diffcult problem, and when you need
them, they ought can help you. the same time for yo , you must
help your friends, as if he is your parter. thi sfriend is
a friend indeed. do you think so? I believe you must be agree
with me, so we can be friends too
0 Comments, 297 Views,
25 Votes
,1.58 Score
|
|
Generation gap 7/30/2004
Your grandfathers/mothers, father/mother, you yourself,
your sons/daughters, grandsons/daughters....all ask
the same questions all the time : "why" and "why
not". Only that the opposite questions are so often
posed at the same time....
0 Comments, 3163 Views,
25 Votes
,2.14 Score
|
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To Be, Not to Be 7/29/2004
"To be, or not to be"...that's an issue.
Still, you have a choice between the two.
<br>
"To be AND not to be"...there's no issue
for the answer is laid out. Yet, the non-issue can be so conflicting.
0 Comments, 158 Views,
14 Votes
,2.66 Score
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美女配丑男－－解析１ 7/27/2004
闲来无事，在街上闲逛。迎面走来一对情侣。女的是我所谓“百看不厌”的那一款——在意识到那个男的已经想在我鼻子上揍一拳之前，我都不知道自己目不转睛地她看了多长时间。好在身边还有三个哥们相陪，否则我得到的恐怕就不仅是怒目而视了。
...
0 Comments, 717 Views,
18 Votes
,1.76 Score
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Family reunion (copy) 7/26/2004
An elderly man in Phoenix calls his Bob in New York and
says, ¡°I hate to ruin your day, but your mother and I are
divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough! I¡¯m
sick of her, and I¡¯m sick of talking about this, so call
your sister in Boston and tell her, ¡± and then hangs up.
<br>
The frantically calls his sister, who goes nuts upon
hearing the news.
<br> ...
0 Comments, 2693 Views,
27 Votes
,7.24 Score
|
|
African Marriage 7/26/2004
Young : 'Is it true, Dad? I heard that in some parts
of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries
her?
<br>
Dad: 'That happens in all countries, .'
0 Comments, 257 Views,
52 Votes
,6.01 Score
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现代流行语： 7/19/2004
1、看不懂不叫看不懂，叫——晕；2、不满不叫不满，叫——靠；3、见面不叫见面叫，——聚会；4、有钱佬不叫有钱佬，叫——vip；5、提意见不叫提意见叫——拍砖；6、支持不叫支持，叫——项；7、强烈支持不叫强烈支持叫，——狂顶；8、不忠不叫不忠叫，——外遇；9、追女孩不叫追女孩，叫——
0 Comments, 383 Views,
12 Votes
,2.98 Score
|
|
等待千年，请做我一天的情人 7/17/2004
等待千年，做我一天的情人
<br>
<br>
<br>
“真的很想，你能每日在我的床前，把我们最爱的文章用你美丽的声音读来让我聆听，直至终尽。也许这最终只能是一个梦境，一个你给我的美丽梦境。只想牵你的手漫步一次街头。”
...
0 Comments, 919 Views,
8 Votes
,3.48 Score
|
|
长恨人心不如水，等闲平地起波澜 7/17/2004
长恨人心不如水，等闲平地起波澜。
<br>
就是这两句了。
<br>
人心的奇怪，或者在于某些莫名其妙的时候，纵然是毫不相干的语句，也能让胸中的波澜汹涌起来。
<br>
于是，心痛，总是那些应该忘记的，反反复复着，让五内，俱焚。
<br>
...
0 Comments, 442 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
|
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心有鬼 酒无罪 7/10/2004
笑看色素太现实
句句真言遇坎坷
活的太累爱心碎
让我只想做酒鬼
可恨酒中真有鬼
醒后周围都是悔
学会放弃是勇气
真爱变通有轮回
0 Comments, 492 Views,
30 Votes
,4.51 Score
|
|
为我们男人喝彩！ 7/10/2004
为我们男人喝彩！
1.男人是社会的主体, 不管你信或不信.所以男人应该有种责任感.
2.25岁之前, 请记得, 爱情通常是假的, 或者不是你所想象的那样纯洁和永远.
如果你过了25岁, 那么你应该懂得这个道理.
3.吃饭7成饱最舒服.对待女友最多也请你保持在7成.
...
0 Comments, 874 Views,
75 Votes
,6.21 Score
|
|
失意人生 7/10/2004
失意人生
小时候, 总有一种强列的自信感, 对未来充满了太多的希望.从来不觉得自已比别人差.日子一天一天地过去, 人一天一天地长大, 梦想一个一个地破灭, 我也一步步地面对着了严酷的现实, 日子一天天地艰难起来.这是一个金开钱的社会, 生活要金钱, ...
0 Comments, 123 Views,
12 Votes
,1.92 Score
|
|
淡是一种至美的境界 7/10/2004
淡是一种至美的境界
<br>
淡，是一种至美的境界，某种程度近乎古人说的禅，而那些禅偈中所展示的智慧，实际上在追求这种淡之美的境界。
像艺术：“心淡方入妙，意到不求工”
像友谊：“君子之交，其淡如水”。
像爱情：“情到浓时情更薄”
...
0 Comments, 166 Views,
13 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
|
给失恋的人和失过恋的人 7/10/2004
给失恋的人和失过恋的人
曾有人做過實驗，
將一隻最兇猛的鯊魚和一群熱帶魚放在同一個池子，
然後用強化玻璃隔開。
最初，鯊魚每天不斷衝撞那塊看不到的玻璃，
耐何這只是徒勞，
它始終不能過到對面去，
而實驗人員每天都有放一些鯽魚在池子裡，
所以鯊魚也沒缺少獵物， ...
0 Comments, 323 Views,
16 Votes
,5.04 Score
|
|
A proper place for everything... 7/10/2004
Leaving Minnesota for Colorado, I decide to make a stop
at one of those rest areas on the side of the road. I go in the
washroom. The first stall was taken so I went in the second
stall. I just sat down when I hear a voice from the next stall...
<br>
- "Hi there, how is it going?"
<br>
Okay, I am not the type to strike conversations with strangers
in washrooms on the ...
0 Comments, 389 Views,
65 Votes
,7.09 Score
|
|
抬头，挺胸，我是最美的女人 7/8/2004
一个离了婚的女友和人说起她离婚的原因：低头低得太久了，隐忍的不满太多，人家却以为这本来就是你该有的姿态，猛一抬头，发现过不下去了。“猛一抬头”这话可以当作警世钟。
<br>
...
0 Comments, 36 Views,
17 Votes
,5.81 Score
|
|
女人的成熟是学会用心计 7/7/2004
很想做个没心计的人啊，率性而为，不必瞻前顾后，不必察言观色，想怎样就怎样，多省心！
<br>
如果你只有14岁、16岁、最多18岁，当然可以这样，大不了得罪同学，五分钟后再
笑嘻嘻搂着人家亲亲热热，没人好意思再和你计较，小孩子，忘性一样大。
<br>
...
0 Comments, 424 Views,
13 Votes
,4.82 Score
|
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我希望成爲亞洲交友中心最受歡迎的美女 7/6/2004
我經常瀏覽本網站“最受歡迎的帥哥”和“最受歡迎的美女”欄目，對帥哥們，我自然是呆呆地看，癡癡地想；而對那些與自己同性的美女們，我是既羡慕又有那麽一點點嫉妒，唉，什麽時候我也能躋身於她們的行列，令天下的帥哥們矚目呢？
0 Comments, 406 Views,
14 Votes
,3.62 Score
|
|
网恋的最完美的结局---我所愿! 7/4/2004
网络是一个虚拟世界
我们可以在虚拟的网络世界放飞我们难以实现的梦想
!网恋这一情感方式
似乎已渐渐被人们所接受
但必竞是镜中花、水中月
经不起风浪的考验的
能够相知、相爱、相恋的很多
但相惜、相守的却少之甚少!
网恋的最完美结局就是______步入结婚的礼堂!
0 Comments, 182 Views,
27 Votes
,2.29 Score
|
|
take a joke 6/25/2004
when in a relationship one should be able to take a good joke.
i learned this first hand since several of my relationships
were a joke.
0 Comments, 693 Views,
12 Votes
,3.33 Score
|
|
During kissing 6/17/2004
Here's How:
<br>
Set the scene. Make sure that the mood and time
are right.
Start off with a normal kiss, not too firm, not
too aggressive. Closing your eyes is optional.
In mid kiss, gently open your mouthRelax! Take a deep breath and let go of any
tension in your neck and shoulders.
Put your arms around the person you want to
kiss.
and softly
nudge the ...
0 Comments, 123 Views,
19 Votes
,4.71 Score
|
|
Lottery 6/10/2004
I asked my wife (when I was still married), "If you
won the Lottery, would you still love me?" ......
she said, "Yes, but I would miss you"
0 Comments, 52 Views,
45 Votes
,6.88 Score
|
|
Goldfish 6/10/2004
One day Timmy is in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbour,
seeing him there, decides to investigate. "Whatcha
doin?" he asks. Timmy replies, "My goldfish
died and I'm burying him." "That's
an awful big hole for a goldfish, ain't it?" asked
the neighbour. Timmy shouts back, "That's because
he's inside your f*cking cat."
0 Comments, 463 Views,
31 Votes
,6.69 Score
|
|
Beer is dangerous 6/10/2004
I think that the findings of unbiased, indisputable, scientific
experiments should be made public !
The other day scientists suggested that considering the
results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence
of female hormones in beer, men should take a concerned
look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer
contains female hormones (hops contain pyhtoestrogens)
and drinking ...
0 Comments, 302 Views,
69 Votes
,5.41 Score
|
|
Humour is very important between lovers 5/23/2004
I love to make friends with people who have very good sense
of humour. Humour can make you relax; human can give you
joy; humour can make you both feel closer... So I like humour,
and I do try to have good sense of humour.
0 Comments, 159 Views,
44 Votes
,4.27 Score
|
|
The Wish, 5/23/2004
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer.
All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one
wish." Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and
in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have
TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one
wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii
so I can drive over anytime I want The Lord said, "Your
request is ...
0 Comments, 50 Views,
84 Votes
,8.87 Score
|
|
a joke 4/24/2004
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please
send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok,
send me your mother."
0 Comments, 319 Views,
67 Votes
,4.65 Score
|
|
男女恋爱方式 4/22/2004
男人的眼睛靠辐射，而女人的心靠传导。
男人追求女人，是迅猛出击，但结果往往雨过天晴，女人追求男人，则缓慢渗透，却可以滴水穿石。
<br>
男人考验女人的办法是远走高飞，女人考验男人的办法是约会迟到。
<br>
...
0 Comments, 193 Views,
48 Votes
,6.63 Score
|
|
當兵ㄉ幽默~ 4/19/2004
要當兵去了
收到兵單，附上一張復興號的車票
幹！免費的車最好少坐
不是要去當兵，就是被抓坐警車
我是最後一批大專兵(1596梯次)
10/16當天上午，到高雄火車站報到，是大頭兵專車
月臺上，一片生離死別的氣氛
有的槌子、和馬子抱的緊緊的、好像要去參加神風特攻隊一樣
...
0 Comments, 71 Views,
26 Votes
,3.89 Score
|
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Beautiful & Dumb 3/24/2004
A conversation between MAN and GOD
<br>
MAN: God, why do you make women so beautiful?
GOD: So that you'll love 'em, .
MAN: But why do you make 'em so dumb?
GOD: So that they'll love you!
0 Comments, 168 Views,
58 Votes
,4.51 Score
|
|
Women Quotes 1/11/2003
Þ Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
<br>
Þ Clothes aren't sexy. Women are.
<br>
Þ Even if you understood women, you'd never believe it!
<br>
Þ Good sex means being told, "Stop and I'll kill you!!!"
<br>
Þ Women and cats do as they like. Men and dogs get used to it.
<br>
Þ Love is blind. Lust has 20/20 vision.
...
0 Comments, 120 Views,
189 Votes
,6.67 Score
|
|
Life Quotes part 1 1/11/2003
Þ We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
<br>
Þ Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
<br>
Þ I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
<br>
Þ If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
<br>
Þ Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
<br>
Þ Score, and they will ...
0 Comments, 167 Views,
81 Votes
,7.27 Score
|
|
Life Quotes part 2 1/11/2003
Þ Age is mind over matter. If you don't mind, it don't matter.
<br>
Þ Adventure without risk is Disneyland
<br>
Þ The light at the end of the tunnel is at the wrong end.
<br>
Þ Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat.
<br>
Þ Murphy was an optimist.
<br>
Þ Go ahead, jump! 100, 000 lemmings can't be ALL wrong.
<br>
...
0 Comments, 557 Views,
58 Votes
,7.29 Score
|
|
What's your friend doing behind you?? 1/16/2002
A walks by their parents room at night and hears these
noises, ah aha ha!!!, the knows never to go into the parents
rooms but can see in, she she's mom on top of dad jumping up
and down. Then he goes to sleep. In the morning, the asks
mom, mommie what were you doing last night, I walked by and
heard you screaming and then saw you jumping up and down
on daddy, mommie says "I'm helping ...
0 Comments, 90 Views,
78 Votes
,4.52 Score
|
|
A Life Sentence 11/25/2000
A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband
was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs.
He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee
in front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought, just
staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye
and take a sip of his coffee.
<br>
"What's the matter? Why are you down here at this time
...
0 Comments, 373 Views,
185 Votes
,7.05 Score
|
|
The Cruise 10/24/2000
A guy goes to a travel agent and books a two-week cruise for
himself and his girlfriend. A couple days before the cruise, the
travel agent calls and says the cruise has been canceled, but he
can get them on a three-day cruise instead.
<br>
The guy says "OK, " and goes to the pharmacy to buy threeheadache pill
and three condoms.
<br>
Next day, the agent calls back and ...
0 Comments, 298 Views,
42 Votes
,0.54 Score
|
|
Viagra is for men. 6/9/2000
Men eat Viagra to "stand" up to their women.
Women eat Niagra to become a wet as a waterfall.
0 Comments, 176 Views,
33 Votes
|
|
Which one to pick? 6/8/2000
A young man is having a date on the weekend and goes to a pharmacy
to get some condoms. However he's having a problem making
up his mind, which package to buy and decides to consult
a pharmacist. So, he explains that he will be spending a
weekend with his date and asks the pharmacist to recommend
him which package to buy. <br>
"Here, young man, take this 3-pack. One for Friday night, ...
0 Comments, 130 Views,
16 Votes
,2.98 Score
|
|
Talking while having sex 5/7/2000
-My wife always like to talk to me while having sex, so everytime
she get´s it, she gives me a call.
0 Comments, 374 Views,
27 Votes
,1.66 Score
|
|
The dead priest 4/7/2000
Wife says: Honey! The priest that married us has been killed.
Husband replies: I am innocent.
0 Comments, 239 Views,
15 Votes
,1.29 Score
|
|
High school sweetheart. 4/3/2000
2 high school sweethearts went together for five years
and they graduate they were admitted to the same college
but on different campus. Both vows to be faithful and write
as often as possible. However, a month pass and the girl
wrote less and less. Finally, she admitted that she wants
to date around. Her ex is persistent and write more email
and call more. She is very annoyed and decided ...
0 Comments, 383 Views,
29 Votes
,4.44 Score
|
|
pickup lines 4/3/2000
Man: Haven't we met before?Woman: Yes, I'm the receptionist
at the V.D. Clinic. Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.Man: Isthis seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
Man: So, wanna go back to my place ?
Woman: Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?
Man: Your place or mine?Woman: Both. You ...
0 Comments, 172 Views,
26 Votes
,3.67 Score
|
|
The best love story. 4/3/2000
Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings
lived: Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all of the others including
Love. One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would
sink, so all repaired their boats and left.
Love wanted to persevere until the last possible moment.When the island
was almost sinking, Love decided to ask for help. Richnesswas passing by
...
0 Comments, 183 Views,
42 Votes
,6.85 Score
|
|
