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A new couple 10/15/2006
The couple has been married only two weeks. The husband,
although very much in love, can't wait to go out on the
town and party with his old buddies.
"Honey, " says he to his new bride, "I'll
be right back..."
"Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asks the
wife.
"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face. I'm going
to have a beer."
"You want a beer, My Love?"
...
0 Comments, 107 Views,
15 Votes
,6.35 Score
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The gift 10/15/2006
A man asks his wife what she would like for her birthady.
Whould you like a diamond ?
No I don't need any more diamons.
Would you like a yacht ?
No I get sea sick.
How about I buy you a jet ?
No I get air sick.
What do you want ?
I want a divorce -
Hell replied the man. I wasn't plannning on spending
that much.
0 Comments, 55 Views,
7 Votes
,3.04 Score
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25 reasons why CHOCOLATE IZ BETTER THAN A MAN ;) 10/15/2006
No idea if this was posted or not. Watever, smiliezzzzzzzzzzz
Chocolate is rich,
dark & satisfyin
You're never disappointed when you
open the wrapper
Chocolate doesn't care how many pieces
you've had before
Chocolate always hits the ...
5 Comments, 152 Views,
22 Votes
,6.13 Score
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What use a camel to hide itself? 9/30/2006
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--a camel flage..
1 Comments, 36 Views,
8 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Missing Beer! 9/27/2006
A man walked into a bar and ordered a beer. He took a sip and
walked over to the jukebox to spin a record. When he returned
to his table he discovered that his beer was gone. He stopped
a waitress and asked, “Do you know who took my beer”? The
waitress told him that it was the monkey who stole his beer.
He then walked over to the Cashier and asked, “Do you know
to ...
1 Comments, 79 Views,
9 Votes
,2.78 Score
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Who's the Boss? 9/25/2006
A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon
suite.
As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly
man, tossed his trousers to his new bride. He said, "Here,
put these on."
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.
"I can't wear your trousers." she said.
"That's right, '' said the husband,
"and don't you ever ...
3 Comments, 111 Views,
12 Votes
,5.80 Score
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A Fathers Terror 8/30/2006
Dear Dad:
It has now been three months since I left for college. I have
been
remiss in writing and am very sorry for my thoughtlessness
in not
having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but
before
you read on, please sit down. You are not to read any further
unless
you are sitting down... Okay?
...
0 Comments, 51 Views,
9 Votes
,3.85 Score
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The Wousy Bwind Date 8/30/2006
Jesse took his blind date to the carnival. "What would
you like to do first, Amber?" asked Jesse. "I
want to get weighed, " replied Amber.
They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds.
She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride
was over, Jesse again asked Amber what she would like to
do. ...
1 Comments, 101 Views,
15 Votes
,5.12 Score
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A very desperate marriage 8/30/2006
A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose
to her. Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever
been married. Of course, they dated about once a week for
the past six years, but he was so timid he just never got around
to suggesting marriage much less living together.
But one day, he became determined to ask her the question.
So he calls her on the ...
1 Comments, 99 Views,
8 Votes
,3.94 Score
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Double Takes 8/28/2006
A man sits down at a bar and orders a double shot of whiskey.
He downs the shot and takes something out of his pocket to
look at briefly. After a minute, he calls the bartender
over and requests another double.
The bartender brings him the drink and he downs it. Again,
he takes something out of his pocket to peek at and puts it
away. He beckons the bartender and orders ...
0 Comments, 74 Views,
8 Votes
,4.17 Score
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Women and Titties 8/28/2006
Women with big tits ...
..can get a taxi on the worst days
..have men give them the best seats on a bus.
..have a neat place to carry spare change
..have always been the center of the arts (art)
..make jogging a spectator sport
..can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub
..have more negotiating power (with men ...
0 Comments, 54 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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sex therapy 8/23/2006
Sex Therapy -
A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's
office.
The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?" The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that
such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that
he agrees.
When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's
absolutely ...
1 Comments, 79 Views,
12 Votes
,3.33 Score
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IT'S GOOD TO BE A WOMAN!!! 8/18/2006
IT'S GOOD TO BE A WOMAN!!!
We got off the Titanic first.
We can scare male bosses with mysterious
gynecological disorder excuses.
Taxis stop for us.
We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.
We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
If we ...
1 Comments, 105 Views,
11 Votes
,4.10 Score
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Le computer? La computer? 8/12/2006
Computers
A french teacher was explaining to her class that in French,
unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine
or feminine... 'House' is feminine - 'la
maison'. 'pencil' is masculine - 'le
crayon'. A student asked, 'what gender is 'computer''?
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class
into two groups - male and female. and asked ...
5 Comments, 155 Views,
19 Votes
,7.21 Score
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Good Bars 8/5/2006
A Scotsman, American, and an Irishman are in a bar. They
are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice
place.
Then the Scotsman says, 'Aye, this is a nice bar, but
where I come from, back in Glasgow, there's a better
one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another
drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!'
The others agree that sounds like a good ...
0 Comments, 66 Views,
9 Votes
,4.71 Score
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The Tiger 8/5/2006
A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready
to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to
the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm
not a virgin."
The husband replies, "That's no big thing in
this day and age."
The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one
guy."
"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"
"Tiger Woods."
...
0 Comments, 148 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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two English words 7/30/2006
A young boy went up to his father and asked
"What's the difference between potentially
and realistically?"
The father ponders for a moment, then answered "Go
ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for
a million quid and also ask your sister if she would sleep
with Brad Pitt for a million quid, then come back and tell
me what you learned.
"So ...
2 Comments, 116 Views,
14 Votes
,4.42 Score
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Open Your Inside 7/23/2006
Heart is a very sensitive part of human's internal
organ wheter it's inside or outside.literally heart
is a pumping organ that allow your bloody liquid to circulate
in your inside and fill your brillant life.A warm heart
is a 100 percent full of love from your inside 37 degree centigrade
and a sweet heart is a quality of heart that is full of sugar
of love and love is a tremendous power ...
1 Comments, 38 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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A Man and his Ostrich ..... 7/11/2006
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown
ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks for their orders.
The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke, "
and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same, " says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order.
"That will be $9.40 please, " and the man reaches
into his ...
1 Comments, 308 Views,
36 Votes
,5.57 Score
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THEY DON'T TELL ME ANYTHING... 7/11/2006
A sweet grandmother telephoned Makati Medical Hospital.
She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone
who can tell me how a patient is doing?"
The operator said "I'll be glad to help, Dear.
What's the name and room number?"
The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, "Marie
Mckay in room 302."
The Operator replied, "Let me check. Oh, good news. ...
0 Comments, 59 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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SPEEDY DIVORCE 7/11/2006
A married couple are driving along a highway doing 60mph,
the wife behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over
at her and says, "Honey, I know we've been married
for 20 years, but I want a divorce."
The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to 70 mph.
He then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me
out of it, because I've been having an affair with your ...
0 Comments, 55 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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ALWAYS THERE FOR ME.... 7/11/2006
This woman's husband had been slipping in and out of
a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside
every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for
her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You
know what? You have been with me through all the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business ...
0 Comments, 52 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
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MARRIAGE COUNSELING ..... 7/11/2006
After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant
arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way
to save their marriage was to try counseling.
When they arrived at the counselor's office, the counselor
jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. "What
seems to be the problem?" The wife began talking describing
all the wrongs within their marriage.
...
0 Comments, 66 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
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3 WISHES .... 7/11/2006
Three friends were stranded on a desert island. After several
weeks with no food and no drinking water, they were beginning
to lose heart.
Suddenly, a bottle floated into the shore and a beautiful
genie popped out. She said "I have three wishes to
grant. Each of you gentleman can make one wish come true."
Friend number one got excited. He said "I wish I was
in Las ...
0 Comments, 73 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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THE PERFECT COUPLE .... 7/11/2006
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After
a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their
life together was, of course, perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was
driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they
noticed someone at the side of the road in distress.
Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. ...
1 Comments, 239 Views,
29 Votes
,4.84 Score
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JOKE TIME.... 7/11/2006
3 brothers named Bu, Chu and Fu migrated to USA from China.
They decided to change their name :
Bu became Buck
Chu became Chuck.
Fu decided to go back to China .
Man : I want to divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to
me in 6 months.
Lawyer: Better think it over. Wives like that are very hard
to find!
Do you know why bra makers measure cup size by "A B C
D ...
0 Comments, 95 Views,
8 Votes
,4.17 Score
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Asking the Wizard of Oz 7/11/2006
President Bush, Dan Quayle, Ross Perot, and Bill Clinton
all traveled together to see the Wizard of Oz. Upon arrival,
they were brought to see him.
First, President Bush went to see the Wizard and said, "Everyone
says I have no compassion or feelings, I wish to have a Heart".
So the Wizard said, "So be it".
Second was Dan Quayle. He told the Wizard, "People
think I'm ...
2 Comments, 98 Views,
5 Votes
,4.77 Score
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Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence--a life sentence. 7/11/2006
Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music
is over, the strings are attached.
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is
an institution for the blind.
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's
Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger
and two under the man's ...
7 Comments, 175 Views,
19 Votes
,5.76 Score
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Brains - Feminist Joke of the Millenium 7/11/2006
BRAINS
In the hospital, the relatives gathered in the waiting
room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally,
the doctor came in looking tired and somber.
"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news, "
she said as she surveyed the worried faces.
"The only hope left for your loved one at this time
is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, ...
0 Comments, 58 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Some Great Cynical Answers to That Stupid Question: "Why aren't you married yet?" 7/11/2006
You haven't asked yet.
-Because I just love hearing this question, quick, ask
me again!
-Just lucky, I guess.
-Trade in my miniskirt for a minivan??? No way!
-Uh, check, please!
-My fiancee is awaiting his parole.
-It didn't seem worth a blood test.
-I'm waiting until I get to be your age.
...
0 Comments, 104 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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